


I'll see you Yesterday

by LlawenGwaed



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s01e14 Faces, Episode: s02e21 Deadlock, Episode: s03e04 The Swarm, Episode: s03e16 Blood Fever, Episode: s03e21 Before and After, Episode: s03e23 Distant Origin, Episode: s04e03 Day of Honor, Episode: s04e18-19 The Killing Game, Episode: s04e20 Vis à Vis, Episode: s05e20 Juggernaut, Episode: s05e26 Equinox, Episode: s06e05 Alice, Episode: s06e14 Memorial, Episode: s07e01 Unimatrix Zero Part II, Episode: s07e12 Flesh and Blood, Episode: s07e16-17 Workforce, Episode: s07e21 Friendship One, Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), F/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23350813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: Well.. Everyone loves a time travel fic right?Here’s a Season 7 based (or at least as the starting point) homage to Before and After, except with an arse kicking half-Klingon protagonist. Cos, why not.Also, it’s much safer in here. Stay well and stay at home if you can....flops into chair.... finished. Completed. Wedi Gorffen. It's all here as far as i'm concerned.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 223
Kudos: 64





	1. Baby, you're out of time

“What does the Captain expect me to do- conjure shuttles out of thin air?”

Unable to help himself, the grin on Tom's face widened. He clasped his wife’s hand as they left the mess hall. Understandably, she no longer walked at the headlong pace he’d grown so used to. Given how close to term her pregnancy was, he wondered how she could stay upright. “I’ll be honest, it’d be one of the less remarkable feats of engineering you’ve performed.”

B’Elanna gave Tom a sideways smile, somehow she always preferred he note her intelligence above anything else. “Are you looking to stay on my good side?”

“Always.” He retorted before daring to venture. “Have you thought any more about-“

“Not now Tom.” She shook her head. “I’m busier than ever.”

They reached the Turbolift shaft and stood waiting. Tom intended to walk her back to engineering before starting his shift in sickbay at 14.00.

“Look, I know things are tough with Joe being gone-,“ his voice faded out a little as he spoke. Ten days since Joe Carey had died. Tom placed his hand on her arm, hating to remind her of it. “-but you do have other priorities. I’m not saying you can’t handle anything-”

“You wouldn’t dare.” B’Elanna responded.

“But, maybe you should think about slowing down your workload. Why don’t you pass the shuttle refit project to Vorik or Nicolette.”

“You could stop leaving shuttles in need of a refit.” She shot back without hesitation as the lift doors opened and they stepped inside.

“I’m serious.” Tom intoned. “This baby is going to be here before you know it and you’ve been exhausted every day this week.”

She had to admit, she was fatigued, but that just felt like the new normal. Last night she’d dropped off on the sofa before Tom could even replicate dinner.

“I’m not saying drop everything,” He continued, his fingers brushing against the bump as he gripped her hands. “Just delegate.”

“I’ll consider it.” She nodded. The look on his face told her that wasn’t enough. “You’re starting to worry.”

“Starting?” He laughed mirthlessly as the lift stopped and doors opened.

They both stepped out, but Tom pulled at B’Elanna’s arm, bringing them to a stop in the corridor. His hands slid as far onto her back as he could reach without pulling her into an embrace. She looked into his eyes, the blue conveying more love than she’d ever thought she’d receive. Those same eyes had convinced her to stay behind on the mission, stopped her from being exposed to radiation, or murdered like Carey. 

He spoke, gently. Sincerely. “You, and her are possibly the only things I’ve ever done right in my life.” Tom ran a hand up her back and cupped her face. “You come first, and everything else can go to hell.”

After he’d been safely returned, he’d sat on their couch with his head in his hands. All he’d managed to say was “I’m so glad you weren’t there. I couldn’t have handled it.” She flinched at the memory, hating the sadness in his voice. 

“Alright.” She conceded. “Double shifts are out.”

“And the project?” He ventured as she slipped from his grip and started walking. Tom followed.

“They can spec it out. I get to sign it off.”

“Of course.” He enthused.

She glanced back to him. “I’ll talk to Chakotay about assignments, see if he can-.“

The bulkheads around them shook. Tom reached out for B’Elanna- his honed reflexes ensuring he steadied her before he could think about what he was doing. 

“Whoa.” He responded as the shaking continued for around five seconds. “We’ve hit something.”

The shaking stopped, but there was something else. B’Elanna could hear a low pitched rumble. “Relays are-“

Existence seemed to blink out for a moment.

B’Elanna couldn’t quite put it together, but knew that Tom had shoved her hard out of the path of the explosion, taking the brunt of it himself. She’d gone to the floor, her head and hip making contact with the hard surface while she shielded her abdomen with her arm. She was pretty sure she’d broken her wrist.

A moment later she rolled onto her back, plasma venting, alert sounding. She was disorientated but need to get up.

Tom was face down on the floor, the panel from the conduit had blown off and was on top of his legs. There was already blood everywhere. His cheek was raw in patches with the flash of a plasma burn.

It took substantial effort to pick herself up, but she had to get to him. Reaching across the wreckage to touch his neck, to see if- “Tom-.“

He opened his eyes- he looked distant, but still needed to check- “You?” He managed to whisper.

“I’m OK.” She reassured him. B’Elanna glanced at the bulkhead. In other circumstances she’d try and shift it herself, but given her condition and the state of Tom she dared not try. “Hold on.” She uttered, touching his hand, as she slapped her combadge. “Torres to sickbay.”

There was no response. She saw Tom’s eyes close in frustration and resignation.

“Torres to bridge.” No response. Silence stretched as she tried a third time. “Anyone?”

“Tom-,“ She decided as she spoke. “I’m going to get help, I’ll be back.“ All he could do was nod his head, and close his eyes again.

If he’d kept his eyes open, he would have seen that his wife vanished into thin air before she could round the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh-duh -duh.
> 
> Will Captain Proton survive to fight another day? Will his plucky wife appear somewhere safer than the deadly corridor of explosions? Will Buster finally hook up with the right twin?
> 
> All this and more in the next exciting episode. 
> 
> (Hyperbole included, Events may not unravel as anticipated).


	2. Zero time

Stumbling forward, B’Elanna had to grab the bulkhead for balance. She wasn’t where she had been. This wasn’t deck fifteen. There was no plasma venting, no blown panels and no sign of Tom.

But the thing that had really thrown her balance off was that the most obvious sign of her being with child was missing. The prominent bump had vanished and her figure was as it had been. It was an appalling shock. She ran her hand over her flattened stomach, realising her wedding ring was missing as well.

She felt dizzy with it, unsure where she was and what had happened. She wasn’t in uniform, she was wearing a shirt that belonged to Tom and pyjama bottoms, and she ached all over. She stepped forward and stumbled again. She might have fallen if someone hadn’t appeared at her elbow and steadied her.

“B’Elanna-“

“Harry?” She asked through the haze of disorientation. The Ensign gave a half smile, an attempt to be reassuring.

“You OK?” He asked, unsure what his friend was doing wandering the hallways dressed for bed with no shoes.

“Starfleet-“ She looked around, not quite able to place where she was. “How did I get here?”

“OK. I think you need to go back to sickbay.” Harry said, pulling his arm across her shoulders. She gripped at him, needing the support. He couldn’t help but feel astonishment at that.

****

Looking up as the sickbay doors opened, Tom wasn’t entirely surprised to see B’Elanna. He was however, not expecting her to be led in by Harry. 

The Doctor glanced up from checking on the unconscious Tuvok on biobed 2. Tom nodded to him, wordlessly letting him know he’d deal with this. 

An hour ago, Tom had taken her back to her quarters and put her to bed, demanding she return to sickbay if she felt even slightly unwell. She had been out before her head hit the pillow.

She was looking around, and when her eyes settled on him she seemed, odd. Surprised. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what her expression was.

“Tom- found her wandering deck eight. “ Harry said, handing her off, giving her a quick smile before making himself scarce.

“Thanks Harry.” Tom called after him as he pulled his arm around B’Elanna’s shoulders. Leaning on him heavily, she stared at him as he encouraged her toward the biobed. Tuvok and the Captain occupied two of the other beds, sleeping through their recoveries.

“I thought you were staying put. In your quarters. That was the condition of your release.” He chided softly.

B’Elanna paused, and looked fully at him. The image of him lying wounded in the corridor seared into her vision, her dread rising and trying to comprehend how everything had suddenly changed.

“Tom-.” He stopped and stood with her a moment. He’d never seen that expression from her before.

She raised her hand to her throat, her voice wasn’t right. She remembered, the subvocal processor, she was croaking for days after they took the implants out. She shuddered. This had already happened, this was months ago.

Tom’s eyes met hers, fretful. He looked exhausted. 

_'Your quarters,'_ no baby. No wedding ring on her or Tom’s hands. But he was OK. He wasn’t dying in a corridor on deck fifteen.

It caught him off guard when she bolted into his arms. He hesitated, his brain taking a moment to catch up with events. “I don’t know what’s happening.” She whispered, a slither of panic betrayed by her rasping voice.

Kicking himself into reacting, Tom folded his arms around her. It was an odd balance to dislike how upset she was, while appreciating her pressed to him. He ran a hand through her hair- newly regrown hair. It hid a lot of the damage that was still healing. “It’s OK.” He said softly, before pulling back. “Do you know what the Stardate is?”

She shook her head as Tom helped her to sit on the bed. His hand slid onto her back. “O.K.” He intoned calmly before calling across Sickbay. “Doc? She’s disorientated.”

Leaving Tuvok’s side, the EMH strode forward holding his medical tricorder. “Do you know who I am?”

The glare the Doctor received couldn’t help but raise a smirk on Tom’s face.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” The Doctor responded as he started to scan her.

“I said it was too soon.” Tom started. “Tuvok and the Captain aren’t ready to be released yet-“

“B’Elanna. Do you remember why you were in sickbay?” The EMH asked, trying to sound a little less patronising than he had a minute ago.

“The Borg.” She intoned, her eyes darting as she spoke. “We were assimilated.”

Nodding, the Doctor confirmed. “That’s correct.”

B’Elanna shook her head, “But- this is all wrong.”

“You’re telling me.” Tom added in, his hand still lingering on her shoulder. She shot him a look, his fingers pressed lightly on her, sighing a little as he did. 

“Please lie down. I’d like to examine you further.”

Tom’s hand slipped down her arm and assisted her in lying back. Worry was pulsing through his mind. The Borg seemed to have done more damage than the obvious. 

“Mr Paris, please check on Commander Tuvok and the Captain.”

He managed a grim smile at her before walking away. Her eyes followed him across the room. She knew he wasn’t alright. It had taken until they were on their honeymoon before he’d finally come out and said it. That he wished he’d begged her not to go on that mission. That it tore him up inside having to nurse her through the aftermath. She promised him never again. But that promise was a full month away and right now he was veering between concerned adoration and simmering rage.

She looked back to the Doctor as he spoke. “B’Elanna- I’m picking up some-,“ The EMH paused as he spoke, unsure how to term this “-unusual readings.”

“How so?” She asked.

“Unusual in that when I examined you earlier these readings weren’t present.” The hologram raised his eyebrows as he lowered the tricorder.

“Doctor,” she started as she sat up, keeping her voice low “-this is going to sound like I’m losing my mind, but this was eight months ago.”

The EMH went to speak but she beat him to it with her continuation. “I’m not sure how, but I think I’ve slipped back through time. I was on deck fifteen with Tom, there was an explosion- then, I was here.” 

Nodding, the Doctor acknowledged the credibility of her version of events. “You appear to be radiating a temporal field of some kind.”

Having caught the Doctor’s part of the conversation, Tom walked back over to them, interjecting. “Could it be a side effect of being assimilated? The Borg have better access to time travel than we do.”

“I don’t think that’s anything to do with it.” B’Elanna replied, shaking her head.

“I’d like to eliminate that possibility.” The Doctor intoned gently. “I’ll examine the Captain and the Commander. Mr Paris, carry on here.”

As the Doctor walked away, Tom picked up another tricorder only to find B’Elanna snatching it out of his hands and scanning herself. “What are you-?” He trailed off. She was too busy reading the scanner.

A few seconds later, her face confirmed something she already knew. “Dammit.” She whispered loudly, before putting her head in her hands and gasping “Oh God.”

Tom slipped his hand to her back and almost jumped as she suddenly slammed her fist down on the bed. He decided to take the tricorder from her before it received the most potent part of her temper. “What is it?” He asked softly as he reopened the tricorder. “What’s wrong?”

B’Elanna looked distant, she drew her knees up to her chest. “She’s not there.”

Reviewing the data in front of him, Tom found the readings on the tricorder were- absolute nonsense. They were entirely wrong. “Help me out here.” Tom intoned. “What am I looking at?”

“What does it look like?” She asked, her eyes burning with intensity.

Raising his eyebrows, Tom responded as diplomatically as he could. “Your hormones are-“

“Like I’m heavily pregnant.”

He closed the tricorder. Her eyes locked with his. There was no way. He’d scanned her before he took her back to her quarters. “But, you’re not.” He managed after a pause.

“I was.” She breathed.” This morning- in eight months time-.” She went to slide off the bed. “I have to get back.”

This was insane. Tom caught her arm as her feet landed on the floor. “B’Elanna-. We don’t know how you got here, let alone-.“

As the ship shook, Tom steadied her. He looked up, trying to discern the nature of the vibration and noise.

“What was that?” The Doctor asked.

“We’ve hit something.” Tom confirmed, he could feel the sluggish pull of the vibration on the port side.

“This is how it happened. Just before-.” B’Elanna was unable to finish what she was saying before she was ripped away again.


	3. Interlude 1: Bad timing

She’d never given much thought to being a mother.

Having a miserable, lonely childhood was the first factor in dismissing the idea of becoming a parent. Any child she had was sure to be as miserable as she had been, sending those feelings of rejection and never belonging into a new generation felt cruel. Another child of two worlds that didn’t belong to either.

Then there was the matter of actually having a child.

Hutlh puq. ghaH Hutlh nuq 'oH. That’s how it was termed to her. The Klingons didn’t have a word for barren or infertile. It would be an embarrassment to their house to acknowledge an inability to procreate. No-one would make pleas for the dead in her name. Her line would perish with her, its chance for glory squandered on a mongrel child. It had made the gulf between her and her Klingon side all the wider.

The odds of becoming and staying with child were almost non-existent without significant medical intervention. The thought of that had turned her stomachs. Yes, there were ways around not being able to conceive naturally and there had been for hundreds of years, but the idea. Something so personal and private would be undertaken in a lab. It shouted volumes at how wrong she was. How she had no place in this universe, and neither would her child. She’d never entertained the idea, not until her and Tom.

Or maybe it was Vorik, he had been the catalyst.

After the Vidiians- after her Klingon DNA was reintegrated, her body didn’t quite go back to the way it had been. Other than crippling headaches from her skull reshaping and infuriating amounts of hair growth, she didn’t ovulate or menstruate.

At least not until Vorik tried to bond with her. Pon farr had a lot to answer for.

And of course, it wasn’t just a desire for sex. The dormant Klingon libido was after a mate, with a primal purpose. Even after the raging fire of need died down, a flicker of desire would resonate through her when she saw Tom.

She’d spent months cursing Vorik not keeping his hormones to himself. She could never be sure if her feelings about Tom were really her, or something that had been done to her. But in the end, that didn’t seem to matter, because one way or another she loved him. And when they finally did start a relationship, that flame burned brighter, helped along by interphasic aliens screwing with their hormones even further.

She loved him enough to marry him, and when the time came she wanted his child. The idea of her child, Tom’s child- he deserved to be a father. Even if the conversation had been one of the most depressing they’d had. It focused on what she didn’t want, if she could stand the thought of assisted conception. In the end Tom had suggested they just go ahead and try, that yes it probably wouldn’t happen but it was at least worth a try.

It took six weeks. The odds of conceiving after two years were small, but six weeks! They hadn’t just beat the odds, they’d pounded them into dust and danced on their grave.

Then it got very real. The fear crept in, fed by the realisation that their daughter was not going to pass for human. That her Klingon heritage was going to be apparent for all to see, she was going to be another misfit with a barely controlled temper. Tom had no idea what he’d let himself in for.

It wouldn’t be Tom’s fault if he left. Who could blame him? If she’d tried harder her father wouldn’t have left. If she’d never said-.

“I didn’t understand why you weren’t angry at him for leaving, until now.” Tom had ran his hand down her arm, spooning next to her. It had been four hours since everything came to a head in sickbay. 

“If he left after what you said, then that’s his weakness, not yours. It wasn’t your fault.” He punctuated his words by kissing her bare shoulder. “It never was.” 

The days after that got easier, and gradually she started to like the prospect of having a child. The fear of Tom leaving evaporated as he doubled down and lavished attention on her. This was going to work. She’d never felt so anchored, so secure and wanted. 

Losing their daughter would shatter everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hutlh puq. ghaH Hutlh nuq 'oH- without child, without future
> 
> I'm not kidding. They don't have a word for it. So a phrase seemed the way to go.
> 
> Bit weird for pacing I know, but Kes just lets her Daughter and Grandson get erased from history. That leaves me cold about the whole thing- so we have a digression. 
> 
> Also, between Before and After and Lizard babies, 7 is the only female senior officer (per say) that Tom hasn't had a child with.
> 
> I guess weird Is part of the job...


	4. We don't have time for this-

“I can’t! Stop pushing me! I don’t want your help!” Tom bellowed at her.

Of all the places to find herself, of all the conversations she’d had with Tom, this was the one she had absolutely not wanted to relive.

He looked awful. Harrowed and exhausted. Circles around the eyes. The single pip on his collar caught the low light. It was as horrible a moment as she remembered.

Now she was seconds before she was supposed to walk out the door, leaving him to wallow.

It had completely caught her off guard the first time this had happened. She’d seen Tom in a bad state before but this was unreachable. Three times she’d let him shout in her face.

To be honest she was shocked he’d raised his voice like that. And in any other circumstance her response would have been to shout louder. When she’d walked away it wasn’t in anger, but her guard was raised. She thought she was making things worse, so she left.

This time she stood her ground, but backed off a few steps. She watched his expression change from desperate and agitated, to frustrated remorse. 

She spoke before he could apologise. “Fine. But I need your help.”

B’Elanna was willing to gamble that while Tom was absorbed with his guilt, helping her might be one of the few things he could focus on. 

“What?” He said, barely above a whisper.

“At the risk of sounding crazy-.” Tom stifled one of those humourless laughs as she spoke, her voice low, as calm as she could muster. “This has already happened. To you, and the others.” She stepped a pace towards him. “Over a year ago.”

“What are you saying?” He breathed.

Stepping further towards him, B’Elanna resisted the urge to touch his arm. Remembering how he jumped up when she touched him.

“I’m saying- I’m from your future and I need you to concentrate. If this happens like I think it will, we’re going to hit something in the next few minutes. That’s the common factor.”

Tom blinked, even through his haze of horror he defaulted back to concern. “Maybe you should go to sickbay-.”

“Tom, I’m not imagining this and frankly I just came from there.” It was hard to be this calm with him, but he needed kid gloves right now. “We need to go to the bridge, see if we can get a look at what this thing is.”

She walked towards the door, and as it opened looked to him expectantly. He fell in line and walked next to her, silent until they were in the Turbolift and halfway to the bridge.

“So… were you right?” He finally asked, almost sounding afraid to be doing so. “About me not killing those people.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Her voice sounded harsher than she meant to. She watched as his shoulders dropped some of their tension. B’Elanna slowly moved her hand to his wrist, wanting to touch him but wary of how he might react.

She looked right into his eyes, past the dark circles. He didn’t have an ounce of joy left in him right now. She let her hand creep up his arm as she spoke. “I hate how much you doubt yourself.”

He closed his eyes as her fingers touched his face. “You are not that person. You couldn’t-.” B’Elanna trailed off. She pulled Tom against her and felt relief as she felt his arms slip around her. This is what she’d came to his quarters to do, now over a year later she’d managed it.

“Are we OK after this?” Tom asked, sounding husky, his voice worn. “I don’t let this ruin-.”

“We’re fine.” She said, before adding as she pulled back, “Better than fine.”

Dropping his gaze from hers, Tom laughed mirthlessly again. “It’s funny.” He said staring deadeyed at the floor.

“What?”

“I spend all that time feeling annoyed and upset when you lash out at me.” He raised his eyes to her. “I guess I just didn’t know what you were feeling.”

“And now?”

He leant his head back against the wall of the lift, rubbing at his eyes. “You ever get that- queasy feeling? That you wish you could take it all back?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “All the time.”

“I hate it.” He breathed, his voice thick. “And I’m sorry.”

Her hand went to his, her fingers knitting between his before squeezing. “It’s gonna be ok.”

They stepped out onto the bridge to see Tuvok sat in the Captain’s chair. Harry glanced at them from behind the ops station. Tom hesitated a moment and managed to give Harry a grim smile.

“I thought you were-.“ Harry started to say.

“Something came up.” Tom nodded, his head tilting towards B’Elanna.

“Harry, are you getting any unusual readings?” She asked, her voice low but aware that Tuvok could probably hear her.

”No. Nothing on the sensors.”

“Are you sure?” She glanced again at Tom as she asked.

“What are we looking for?” Harry asked.

As if on cue, Voyager’s hull rumbled. B’Elanna moved beside Harry to see what the sensors could tell her. “There. Tachyons on the port side.” She pointed.

“Report Mr Kim.” Tuvok intoned.

“There’s some sort of sub-space distortion giving off a Tachyon field.” Harry said as he flew through various different readings on his console.

“Like bumping into a sandbar in space.” Tom added.

“Are there any Chronotons present?” B’Elanna asked.

“Uh-“ Harry looked again, his brow furrowed as he struggled to concentrate.

“Let me.” B’Elanna spoke gently as she nudged Harry to one side. Tom watched as her virtuoso like movements brought up what she was looking for. “Chronotons. There.” She pointed before bringing the distortion up on the main view screen.

She caught a glimpse of what looked like a small sinkhole in space, its field of gravity only enough to nudge Voyager.

“It looks like a-“ Tom had started to say but before she could get anything else useful, B’Elanna blinked into a different existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one took longer as I really struggled with it. Mostly cos I did not want to go back and watch this scene but eventually I had to.
> 
> Kind of glad I did cos RDM really goes for it. Tough to watch but well done.
> 
> I also kept skipping ahead and writing other bits as brain already knew exactly what they needed. Sigh. 
> 
> Hope we're all staying safe.


	5. All the time in the world

Taking a deep gulp of air, B’Elanna found she needed a second, gasping again as she felt Tom gliding into her. She was against the wall of his quarters and her legs were wrapped around Tom’s, gripping him hard. She bumped against the wall as her body enveloped him. She could taste his blood, it made her burn for him.

He let out a soft exhale from his bloodied lips and grinned. For him she felt glorious inside and out, his eyes shining with adoration. He shifted his arms, feeling the sweat at the small of her back as he held her.

His teeth bit at her breasts and throat as he thrust into her. Her arms enveloped his shoulders, his face pressing to her chest.

She clutched at him, wordless and shuddering as her breath escaped in gasps of elation. She should stop this, because this was wasting what little time she had. Her uniform and underwear lay discarded on the floor. Tom was still clothed. His Jacket and turtleneck thrown over the couch, but his tanktop still on him, his pants lowered but not removed.

This wasn’t a dinner date with a happy ending, this was a between shifts liaison. A clearly much needed one given the nature of the act.

Lately their lovemaking had been cautious, tender but frankly too gentle and not as fulfilling. But being weeks away from having a baby had meant she dared not ask for anything a little more adventurous. This on the other hand was, everything she’d craved. Passionate and spontaneous. 

B’Elanna usually preferred the bed, the sofa or at a pinch the carpet. She was all for throwing each other around for foreplay but when it came to the act she liked to be comfortable. But on occasion she suggested the wall- the immediacy of it was exhilarating, it also helped fight the temptation to lie there too long afterwards.

Tom was moaning softly into her breasts. She threw her head back, offering them to his mouth. His lips leaving spots of crimson as they lowered and suckled at her flesh. His left arm tightened over her lower back, driving himself incrementally deeper. 

Who was she kidding, she wasn’t going to stop this. If she was heading for oblivion, then she was going to go out with something worth remembering. 

The ship shuddered.

“Did-?” Tom started to say without stopping.

“Yes.” She responded, pulling her legs tighter around him. “The ship moved for me too-.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. A nice brief bit of cheerful sex to counter the last few scenes. 
> 
> This chapter takes place after Equinox, but I didn't want to weigh it down with unnecessary references.
> 
> Oh, and I just realised that this chapter owes Byrcca's The Bitter and the Sweet. My subconscious did a thing where it slightly borrowed without knowing where an idea may have come from. Have a read of that one. It's B&A from Tom's POV.


	6. Half life

Opening her eyes, B’Elanna found she had a headache. These were her quarters, and she was alone. Through the brain fog she looked for visual clues as to when she was.

At the bedside, on the table her comm badge and rank bar. Usually they'd still be attached to the uniform she had been wearing, which would be thrown over the bedroom chair, but the chair was empty. There was an untouched glass of water next to the comm badge and Toby the Targ had been tidied onto there.

Rolling over, she reached her arm out for Toby, clutching at her faithful Targ.

For the bedside to be that tidy, Tom had been here. She guessed her uniform wasn’t wearable- so he’d removed the badge and bar. He’d stayed a while and fretted- hence the water. He intended she stay in bed and sleep. He also didn’t intend on her working a shift, otherwise he’d have laid a fresh uniform out for her.

She laughed, squeezing at Toby’s tousled fur. In some ways Tom had been acting like they were married for years. At that point she tried to sit up and immediately felt queasy and lay back down, her stomachs lurching as she did.

“Computer- What’s the Stardate?”

“The current Stardate is five-two-six-three-one point five.”

That put her around two years ago from this morning. “Computer, when did I last make a personal log entry?”

“Last personal log entry was made nine point four hours ago.”

“Computer, replay my last personal log entry.”

The play back started with silence. She could hear herself breathe on the recording before she tried to speak. “I…” She began and stopped as abruptly as she started,

 _Oh C’mon. Give me a clue_ she thought at her past self.

“Apparently the away mission was a success.” The other B’Elanna intoned. She sounded bitter. “We stopped the Malon freighter from taking out everything within three light years. All I had to do was- beat a dying man to death, and get commended for it. This whole day has been-“

She heard the door chime on the recording.

“Come in.” The recorded version of her stated.

She heard the door slide. “B’Elanna-“ Tom’s voice rang out.

“Computer, end log.”

It wasn’t much, but it was enough. He’d brought her food which she couldn’t keep down, and a hypo with more analeptic compounds to make sure the radiation exposure was fully beaten back. Technically he was making a house call as part of his sickbay duties, though she suspected he didn’t spoon with Neelix when he checked up on him. 

They didn’t really talk. He didn’t press the issue, just tended to her needs and stayed a while.

She hadn’t been fit for duty the day after the Malon freighter. But, now on the second run of this day she didn’t have much of a choice.

She pulled herself to sit up, realising how raw the skin on her back felt. She checked her hands- the blisters hadn’t reoccurred. That was a small mercy. She left Toby sat on the pillow.

Gingerly she pushed herself out of bed and reached for her comm badge. If she went to Tom at this point in time he’d immediately want her back in her quarters. She really didn’t have the time to stop and explain to him again.

She needed someone who would be able to look at what was happening and give a concise, accurate appraisal. She knew just the drone. “Torres to Seven of Nine.”

“Proceed.” Seven responded with her usual aloofness.

“Meet me in engineering.” B’Elanna groaned as she got up, glad to be able to skip the formalities. “I’ve got something that I need you to help me with.”

“On my way.”

****

Eyes had followed B’Elanna’s stiff movements when she arrived in engineering, her staff hadn’t expected to see her. Vorek had been about to approach, but the stiff nod she gave let him know now was not the time.

Eighteen minutes later, her and Seven were at the upper workstation, reviewing sensor logs in real time as the data came in.

“You haven’t found anything yet?” B’Elanna groaned as she sank into a chair.

Seven’s eyes regarded her with interest for a moment, but she stayed on topic. “I have not.”

She turned on her heel. “Lieutenant, perhaps if I knew the nature of what you expect to find-.”

“What makes you think I expect to find anything?” B’Elanna said, sinking her head into her hands. She’d not stayed in one time period this long before, and she was starting to wonder if the jumps had stopped.

“Given the nature of your request for assistance I must assume there was no pretext intended.” Seven’s voice was gaining an edge. Slightly annoyed that she had been recruited to help with a task without any indication as to what they were actually doing.

“You’re right.” B’Elanna confessed, meeting Seven’s cold, icy eyes. “I am expecting something to happen.”

“Elaborate.”

Easier said than done. She assumed she hadn’t had time but, right now she couldn’t tell how long she had left on the clock in this time period. “Have the Borg experienced time travel on an individual basis?” She finally asked.

“Individual drones have been cut off from the collective while experiencing temporal phenomena. However they were re-assimilated as soon as their temporal state was rebalanced.”

O.K. That was useful. “How were they rebalanced?”

Leaning over the console, Seven programmed a visual simulation to demonstrate the process. As she did B’Elanna heard the lift between the two engineering levels activate. Glancing over, she saw a glimpse of red shoulders and blonde hair. Dammit. She was hoping she’d get longer with this. She looked back to the console and tried to ignore that Tom was most likely going to drag her back to her quarters. 

“By using Borg nanoprobes to create a stable timefield within the individual. These nanoprobes then continued the assimilation process.” B’Elanna watched as the simulated nanoprobes went to certain cells first and corrected the organic component before adjusting the cell function to achieve Borg perfection once again. 

“Interesting.” B’Elanna intoned. “Would it be possible to create this externally to the individual, let’s say they’re not Borg and not interested in becoming one.”

The lift behind them stopped. Seven glanced up but B’Elanna didn’t break her gaze. She made it quite clear to Seven that she had no interest in the fact Tom was stood behind them, and that she wanted an answer.

“In theory, the technology could be adapted.” The former Borg acknowledged as Tom stood next to them. B’Elanna looked down at the console.

“Seven- could you give us a minute.” Tom said, his tone a little more curt than usual.

Looking to B’Elanna, Seven waited for her to nod. She hadn’t realised how well Seven picked up social cues at this stage. “I will continue to observe for phenomenon.” She said making her way to the console furthest away from them.

B’Elanna found herself smiling slightly. She was finding a new appreciation for her. “Thanks.”

Finally, she turned to Tom. By his expression he was not best pleased. Not quite angry, but far from approving. “I know,” she started, almost raising her hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m meant to be in my quarters.”

Narrowing his gaze, Tom folded his arms, trying not to sound like he was chiding her. “If the Doc finds out and you’ll be on enforced medical leave for a week.”

He’d come to negotiate a return to her quarters rather than enforce one. Maybe she could persuade him otherwise.

“I need to be down here for a couple of hours at most.” She ventured.

That went down like a deuterium balloon. “No.” He intoned, his displeasure showing. “You need to go back to your quarters now. You’re still showing signs of radiation poisoning, think of what happens if you make a mistake.”

“Tom- I have to be down here.” She tried to reason with him. She really didn’t want to argue, but couldn’t leave.

“What’s so urgent that can’t wait? I’m this close to-.” She had suspected that his next words were to be ‘throw you over my shoulder and carry you there,’ but the ship chose that moment to lurch and for the hull to rumble.

That meant she had around twenty seconds.

“Seven?” B’Elanna yelled, moving towards her.

“A subspace distortion, giving off a tachyon field.” Seven confirmed, her eyebrow raising with curiosity as her voice stayed low.

“Chronitons?”

“They are present.” The former Borg confirmed.

“Seven, have you seen anything like this before?” B’Elanna asked hurriedly, trying to ignore Tom at her elbow.

“I have not.” Seven spoke quickly, sensing the urgency. “But the collective encountered a phenomenon similar to this. The drones caught in the vicinity were cut off from the collective while moving through time.”

“B’Elanna, what’s going on?” Tom asked, all the annoyance drained out of his voice and channelled into concern.

She glanced to him. She didn’t have time, she couldn’t event start. “Seven, what else can you tell me. It has to be quick-.“ She continued.

“The nanoprobes used were attuned to the chronometric particles from the phenomena. They had to share the same rate of temporal flux in order to anchor the drone.”

B’Elanna would have asked how to build a stable time field generator if she’d had any longer, but she felt that strange pull into oblivion tugging at her. She glanced at Tom before it all changed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Not enough was science was being scienced. And if Voyager GIF's have taught me anything, it is that sciencing is required. 
> 
> *The above is fully explained by me having an Arts degree*


	7. Time to Resist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This gets kind of nasty. TW if you're not able to consume violent content.

Before she could fully acknowledge where she was, the Hirogen hit her hard enough to knock her to the deck.

As her back impacted the floor, she could feel already broken bones grind together. B'Elanna could really feel the downside to having extra ribs. Opening her eyes- she was in middle of the floor in engineering. Dozens of Hirogens around.

She’d locked them out of Voyagers primary systems. A hint of a smile crossed her lips. It was days before they could get in. She must have set them back by a week, and delaying the Hirogen’s ability to start their holodeck based hunt, meant most of Voyager’s crew survived.

Odds were, she wasn’t going to make any progress this jump. The best she could do was survive it.

“Get up.”

She had to. If she stayed down she risked being kicked to death, or worse- they would start on a member of the engineering team who couldn’t take a sustained beating.

They were her team. She had to show them. They had to know that while they might be beaten, they should never surrender to them. What’s more, B'Elanna knew she would survive this.

Slowly, grimacing- she got to her knees, then pushed up off the deck with her arm. Yeah- her arm was broken and she had to supress a yelp of pain. She drew herself up, feeling blood drip down the side of her head. Finally she reached her full height, which felt somewhat less given the stature of the Hirogen in front of her.

She looked into the Hirogen’s eyes. Cold. Merciless. Her own eyes blazed, fury and defiance and not a flicker of fear to be seen.

A gargantuan hand seized her by the throat, and lifted her with ease before flinging her against the console lined wall. She crashed into it and crumpled to the floor, seeing stars from the blow to her head. Her cheek pressed to the deck, and her shoulder was excruciating.

“Release the primary systems, and I will make your death quick.” The Hirogen intoned. 

“y'nt yalagochukof-“ she murmured, tasting blood in the back of her throat.

Striding over, the Hirogen kicked B'Elanna from lying on her front to her back, nudging a few broken ribs as she moved.

Then the Hirogen placed the sole of its boot on her chest and stomach, pressing its weight onto her. Compressing already damaged organs, constricting her breathing further. Choking her and drowning her in her own internal bleeding.

No.

She wasn’t done yet. She wouldn’t be choked to unconsciousness and have the next thing she remember be sudden awareness on the holodeck four weeks later.

She grabbed the Hirogen’s lower leg, with both arms, twisted it and caused the alien to topple to the floor next to her in a satisfying crash.

She heard a noise of reaction from one of her team. Nicoletti she guessed.

Seething, the Hirogen stood, completely undermined in front of his subordinates by a being almost half his size.

He delivered a parting kick before speaking to the engineering team. She lay on the floor gasping, it wouldn’t have surprised her if all three of her lungs were punctured.

“I will spare the lives of any who give me access to the primary systems.”

No one stepped forward. B’Elanna felt a rush of pride for her team, even through dizzying pain. Starfleet and Maquis stood together- is this how the Captain felt about the whole crew?

The Hirogen waited a few more seconds.

“Then I will hunt each of you. You- .” He pointed at Carey and Dalby. “Take your leader. I want the rest of the crew to see what they can expect.”

She tried not to cry out as the two men hauled her from the floor and started to walk her through the main doors of engineering. As they trudged through the corridors, B’Elanna couldn’t help but look at Carey.

He’d been everything he was supposed to be. He had a right to have felt aggrieved not to be made chief engineer, but he’d let that go. He wasn’t just loyal, he was a friend. He backed her up when she made unpopular decisions and let her bounce ideas off him. The idea that -if- or when she returned to her own time, she’d never see him again struck her rather hard.

He saw her looking, mistaking it for a semi-conscious daze. “It’s OK Chief. You’re gonna be fine.” He whispered, still sounding grim.

“Joe-“

“Yes Chief?”

Her hand pulled at his shoulder as he supported her, unable to say more than- “I’m glad you’re here.”

They rounded the next corner of the corridor, and the doors to the cargo bay opened. She hadn’t remembered this from last time. Either having their heads messed with by the Hirogen destroyed a few memories or having the crap knocked out of her meant she hadn’t remembered this. She had the vaguest recollection of lying on the cargo bay floor, Tom knelt next to her. Scared for her. Horrified.

Almost half the crew were corralled into the Cargo bay. She watched, as Carey’s eyes scanned the crowd, trying to discern who the senior officer was.

He pulled her forward, before yelling for Tom.

They managed a few more steps before Tom reached them. He was triaging the wounded and was caught unprepared for the sight of her.

“Joe- what the hell happened?” Tom grasped her arm. He started pulling her towards the back wall, where the wounded were laid out on the floor, she saw Sam Wildman, Chell. Seven was unconscious. She really wasn’t going to make any progress this jump. Harry was conscious but bleeding from a head wound, propped against the wall. Neelix was moving between the wounded with a bottle of water.

“She locked them out of the primary systems. She wouldn’t give them access.” Carey confirmed to Tom as he helped him lower her to the floor.

“Tom-“

“Try not to talk.” He instructed, pulling her from sitting to lying on the floor. 

He turned back to Carey for a moment. “Joe, get me a list of who’s down here. I want to know who’s not accounted for.”

He lay B’Elanna on the floor and scanned her with the tricorder, “You have so many broken ribs I don’t know where to start.”

“You could build a Xylophone.” She smiled, slightly proud of herself for that one.

Unfortunately, Tom was too wound up for any level of playfulness. “Seriously, this is your time for jokes?”

She reached up for his arm as he scanned her. “Hey-“

Tom paused, relenting and letting his shields drop for a moment. “I have a dozen wounded people and one medkit. I can’t save everyone, I need the Doctor- and sickbay.”

He pressed a hypospray to her neck, cupping her chin and rolling her head. He couldn’t supress the look on his face as he regarded the bruising appearing behind her left ear and trailing down her jaw.

“Where’s the Captain?”

Leaning in closer, he lowered his voice, “The Hirogen took her, Chakotay and Tuvok.”

“You’re ranking officer?”

“Apparently.” Tom blinked. She’d never heard him sound so unsure of himself.

Tugging at his arm, B’Elanna knew there was very little she could do for either herself or him. “Listen- you can do this. You can’t save everyone- but the crew need you to be strong.”

“I don’t know what to do-“

“You think the Captain does?” She responded, hearing her voice become harsh. A cough fought its way up her throat as the hull rumbled- right below them this time. She tasted her own blood again, as Tom rolled her onto her side. She fought for breath for a moment, clutching his hand as she did. Forcing her eyes to meet his. “Stop doubting yourself Tom. You can’t afford to right now.” 

“I’ll be fine.” She breathed out, closing her eyes as everything changed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.
> 
> I know. I said she'd be kicking arse, not getting hers handed to her. 
> 
> Later, I promise. But be careful what you wish for.
> 
> y'nt yalagochukof- reputedly klingon for go f*ck yourself. I didn't check the klingon dictionary as it's in the attic. 
> 
> Inspired by Oh honey, this isn't a game we're playing, by angrywarrior69.


	8. Interlude 2: It starts with entropy

It had started six weeks before, when Tom had taken fourteen days leave for their thirtieth wedding anniversary.

The first night they’d spent together in three months and B’Elanna woke up shouting, disorientated. Then she started forgetting things, couldn’t find her shoes. Little things that made him worry.

She started crying in her sleep, unable to say why when she woke. Tom wanted her to see a Doctor, which she refused. It cycled into the most vicious fight they’d had in a decade. She brought up things that happened years ago, like it was yesterday. Then mid sentence she collapsed.

She was unconscious for twelve hours, in which time Starfleet medical found nothing wrong. Suggestions of stress or depression got bandied around. The word ‘Dementia’ was used. Tom called the Doctor for a second opinion.

The EMH found nothing clinical, but pulled up a paper on temporal psychosis. There were similarities but, B’Elanna hadn’t time travelled any more than the rest of the Voyager crew, none of whom had any symptoms.

Fourteen days became an indefinite leave of absence. He’d considered resigning entirely, raging that he’d spent so much time apart from her, to be so close to retiring- and now this. Miral talked him out of that, telling him he’d regret it. It wasn’t so long ago that Tom had been the calm one, trying to make his daughter see sense and not make rash decisions. 

Six weeks passed. B’Elanna slept most of the time. She ate only when repeatedly prompted. She didn’t have the concentration or the energy to read. She didn’t talk much either, the most Tom got out of her was “I love you.” Sometimes he wondered if that was the only cogent thought she had left.

It wasn’t fair. She wasn’t old, by Klingon standards she was barely middle aged. Dammit she was supposed to outlive him.

What if she did outlive him? What if this was the rest of her life and he wouldn’t be there to care for her?

Then one night, she shook Tom awake. “We need to talk.”

It was like a switch had been flipped and his wife returned to him. Sitting up in bed, he pulled her into his arms. “I thought I was losing you.”

If only what his wife had told him next made any sense, but right now he was willing to make a gamble. Anything to keep her with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timey-Wimey times!
> 
> Ah. Older Tom. Just imagine him sat around in an officers club... "I used to get up at 05.00, eat a handful of cold leeola root, pull a double shift at the helm and in sickbay and when I got home, wife'd slice us in two with a Bat'leth. And you tell the young starfleet officers that today and they won't believe you!"


	9. Moment of truth

The air was dangerously thin. She tried to take enough breath to satisfy her three lungs, but the oxygen level wasn’t adequate. B’Elanna tried again and gasped as she opened her eyes.

Floating in an EVA suit, Tom was in front of her. She was in his arms and they were surrounded by stars. Oh God. Oh not this. She’d missed out on speaking to Seven again, this was so soon after she joined Voyager that there was almost no chance she’d be able to consult with her again. The feeling of suffocation coupled with the idea that she may have lost her future- her child -suddenly gripped her. It wasn’t panic, more realisation, but it felt like the bottom dropped out of the universe again.

Then she had to contend with the expression on Tom’s face.

“B’Elanna. It’s OK.” He sounded strange, his voice seemingly far away, his speech slow and clumsy. “It’s just the oxygen deprivation.”

He gripped her shoulders. It made it worse. She wanted to touch him- to feel more than just the pressure of touch. She wanted to hold his hand, to touch his face. To tell him she was sorry, but she didn’t know if she could save their daughter. But she couldn’t say any of that. Instead her voice broke a little as she said his name.

Tom pulled her closer to him, as pressed against each other as they could get in their current predicament. “I’m here.” His breath should have been at her ear, not on a comm channel. “At least we’ve got each other.”

“Yeah-.“ she breathed out, realising that when they next jump came, she’d no longer be able to depend on Tom. At least not unconditionally. Without that trust, it would be so much more difficult.

“It’s OK,” he intoned, before bleakly saying “It won’t be long now.”

“Tom-.” She pushed him back a little, wanting to be able to see his eyes. “-you don’t understand. We don’t die today.”

His brow furrowed, she remembered that look. Dopey with a lack of oxygen, but still confused. She continued. “This happened, nearly four years ago.”

“What?” His incredulousness dulled by the lack of air.

“I’m skipping through time.” She had to inhale again to get the next sentence out. “Getting further away from where I’m meant to be.” _I’m supposed to be with you on deck fifteen._

Very quietly, and very calmly Tom spoke, “I think you’re getting delirious.”

“Don’t talk to me like that Tom.” B’Elanna found herself snapping.

He shot her a wounded look in response.

“Sorry-.” She raised her gloved hand to the faceplate of his helmet. “I just, I need to get back- I’m not sure what happened to you.”

Tom gave her a bleak smile. “Oh- and I thought today wasn’t going to get any worse.”

She stifled a small chuckle. He’d said all through the Day of Honor that it couldn’t get worse, and look where that had got them. She pulled at his wrist and checked the oxygen level before looking back at him. There was something about the starlight that made his eyes all the more vivid. “It’ll get better. Give it twenty two minutes.”

“That’s very specific.” His eyes lapsed closed for a moment. “We’ll be almost out of oxygen by then.”

B’Elanna knew she shouldn’t, that she should let things play out as they had before. But this might be the last chance she had to tell Tom she loved him. And she needed him to know, even more so than she had on the day of honor.

“That’s when I decide-.“ She paused, placing both gloved hands on Tom’s faceplate. She just wanted to touch him. “I don’t want to die without telling you I love you.”

At first he looked as though he’d misheard her. Then his brain seemed to digest what she’d said. He was speechless with it again.

She gave him a moment with it. He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

“And I really do. So much.” She felt herself well up as she said it. God dammit. She just wanted to touch him again. Just to hold his hand and feel his breath on her skin.

“You sure this isn’t just the lack of oxygen?” Tom finally responded without a hint of glibness.

“Pretty sure.” B’Elanna nodded. She reached for one of Tom’s hands, knitting their gloved fingers to be as entwined as the layers of the EVA suits would allow. “Voyager’s going to come for us soon, Tom. We’re not going to die.”

He closed his eyes and let out a frustrated exhale. She wasn’t sure he believed the declaration of love or that Voyager would be coming for them. “Why- why wait until now?”

“Because-.” B’Elanna had to pause. Four years had felt so much longer. She couldn’t imagine not having Tom at her side. She tried to remember exactly how she had felt that day. How when everything else was stripped back and it was just them facing death together-. She couldn’t run from it anymore.

Through the glove she squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. “Because every time someone is supposed to care for me they let me down. And no one has ever made me feel as cared for as you do and I was terrified that you’d be the biggest let down of all.”

This was deeper than I love you. When he’d asked a few weeks after this, she’d brushed it off. She didn’t expose the hopes she had for them, and buried the fears to just enjoy those early days. 

“We were hanging in space dying and you were still giving me everything you could. I loved you but I kept it to myself, so I wouldn’t get hurt. It was cowardly. You deserved better.”

Tom’s expression had changed. He no longer thought this was a panicked, hypoxic throw away- but a considered and cathartic declaration of love.

“I told you because you deserve to know. Because you deserve my love.”

Closing his eyes, he struggled with the final sentence. She’d known what he’d needed to hear, and she could see how the validation went through him. He shook his head, then raised his eyes to meet hers before pulling her back into a clunky, but loving embrace.

“Dammit.” She heard him whisper over the com, his voice thicker now- but not with oxygen deprivation. “Why did you have to wait until we were hanging in space?

“Just hold on.” B’Elanna whispered back, clutching tighter as she felt them hit turbulence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....aw man.
> 
> These Kids just can't catch a break....


	10. Prelude to now

Before she’d realised where she was, B’Elanna sat up and promptly smacked her head very goddamn hard against the shuttle console she’d been sprawled underneath.

This first caused her to utter so many Klingon expletives she thought the Fek’lah might have reprimanded her.

B’Elanna lay back down, with hyper-spanners littering the floor around her, blinking as her vision greyed. Well, that was just perfect wasn’t it? Her eyes opened and closed several times before colours came back and she could see a figure crouched was beside her, peering under the console.

“B’Elanna- are you OK?” Tom asked cautiously.

“What do you think?” She snapped, reaching up to touch where her head made impact with the console and found blood.

He outstretched his arm to her and she allowed him to pull her out from under the console and sit her in the pilot’s seat. She looked around, the shuttle was in shuttlebay. They were aboard Voyager. That at least had to be good news.

He pulled out a tricorder, his tone carrying annoyance. “Well, you may have concussed yourself.” He paused, she wasn’t sure what he was seeing. “Although, this Tricorder clearly needs recalibrating because those reading are wrong.”

Snapping the tricorder shut, he crouched to look her right in the eye. B’Elanna couldn’t quite grasp the expression- he was concerned but trying to keep a lid on that. He was also deep into her personal space but didn’t have the nerve to touch her. “Do you know the Stardate?”

“No.” She reached up and touched the wound on her head. It wasn’t just that. Everything felt different this time. Her stomach pitched and skin felt tender. Maybe that had happened gradually but right now she felt like not belonging in this time was causing friction. A sensation that she and reality were grating against each other.

She turned her attention back to Tom as he thumped his combadge “Paris to Sickbay.” He manhandled her by the elbow and pulled her upright.

“Doctor speaking, go ahead.” The EMH said without a glimmer of concern.

“Doc, I’m bringing Lieutenant Torres in.” She allowed herself to be steered out of the shuttle as Tom spoke. “She’s had a pretty hard blow to the head.”

They paused as the Doctor answered. “Understood. Sickbay out.”

Looking at Tom, she registered things she hadn’t noticed before. Yes, the physical changes- he was younger, his face a little more angular. But the attitude-. Even though his face was concerned those shoulders were tensed with brashness.

“I assume you can walk?” His voice was strange. She’d gotten so used to him dropping the bravado, the need to be right all the time.

Nodding, she realised that this was concern. It was a weird way to show it- his annoyance at her injury was an inner panic about what had happened. No wonder they used to fight so much, neither of them had known how to express themselves.

As they left the shuttlebay, Tom started to soften. As if compensating for his initial reaction. “I didn’t think you’d go this far to get out of a holodeck program.”

“What?”

He put a hand on her shoulder, now even more concerned. “The Klingon martial arts program?”

B’Elanna closed her eyes to try and focus. Her pounding head and pitching stomach were making it hard enough to concentrate on any level. She let Tom walk with his hands on her- ready to catch her. His touch was light, he expected her to shrug him off at any moment.

“OK. That really was a hard knock.” He mumbled as they reached the lift.

As they stepped into the lift and activated it, she inhaled a few times, heightening her mental focus and recall of this time. She wasn’t far from the Day of Honor- not if they were doing Klingon martial arts. “I’m supposed to bring my own Bat’leth.” She said softly, opening her eyes and looking directly into his. “Right?”

He smiled as he folded his arms over his chest. All that conceit and pretense dropping away. His eyes seemed to thaw from ice cold to a placid ocean blue. His voice matching hers in timbre and volume. “If you didn’t want to, you should have just said. I’m sure I could have found something a little more sedate we could do.”

And there he was. Not the arrogant wayward Starfleet brat, but the person she loved. Sometimes it was hard to reconcile the two. She leant back against the wall, feeling her stomachs heave again.

Despite getting light headed she still responded with the ghost of a smile, “Like what?” The attention was nice, she enjoyed it now because she was absolutely sure she was he only person receiving his attention in this way. Before it had been daring to encourage him when he flirted, now it was like a familiar dance she knew all the steps to. 

“Well, there’s sailing, skiing, va shok, rock climbing-“

His arms shot out to support her as she almost went to her knees with weakness. She steadied herself with her hand on his chest. He was stood so close to her-. She could catch the scent of him. She could also feel his breathing change as she touched him, his chest rising and falling quicker. His heart beating faster.

“Or maybe you should just get an early night.” Tom grabbed her by the shoulders before she could slide down the wall of the lift.

Everything nearly went grey again. “Don’t- B’Elanna, Don’t go to sleep.” He shook her gently, the layers of teasing, pretense and antagonism falling away, revealing the affection underneath. 

Her eyes slit open. This wasn’t her husband, but he was damn close. Close enough to be attractive, close enough for her- “Tom-.” She rested her head forward onto his shoulder. She felt him straighten slightly, not expecting her to do that.

A very tentative hand touched her back. “It’s OK. I’m right here.”

Her Tom would have grasped her in a full-hearted hug. She ached for him. For everything he would be. “You don’t know. You couldn’t-.“ B’Elanna stopped herself before she said something she’d regret.

How had they done this for so long? How had she let him pursue this without even touching him? Without giving into it.

“Don’t know what?”

Because she hadn’t trusted him. She liked him, she was attracted to him. She appreciated how thoughtful he could be when he put his mind to it, she even liked how much he could make her laugh. But trusting him- that had taken so damn long. And now, if everything else about them was going to be swallowed up by time, then trusting him was the one thing she had to keep alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...oooo. We didn't jump yet. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay on this. I was distracted by Easter and the weather being better than summer. Had to make the most of it, or as well as I could approximate in my back garden. Suffice to say, we won't be eating leeola root all summer.


	11. Unexpected Juncture Pt1

By the time they arrived in sickbay B’Elanna was really struggling to stay upright. Tom had even joked about throwing her over his shoulder, which failed to get a rise out of her. She didn’t know if she’d even have it within her to resist. As it was, he had kept one arm wrapped over her shoulders, with the other reaching across to her other arm.

“Doc!”

There was no protest as she was hoisted onto a biobed by Tom. She closed her eyes as the Doctor moved towards her, Tom trailing him as he started to work. His speech a little more paced and agitated than usual. “She was fine at first but then she started blacking out.”

“Hmmm.” The Doctor intoned. She slit her eyes open, her skin raising in pinpricks of irritation. “No skull fracture. Nothing to be overly concerned about. “

The EMH paused. Reviewing the tricorder in his hand again. “That’s odd.”

“What?” Tom asked, which was roundly ignored by the EMH. It felt strange for Tom and the Doctor to not be working in tandem, even if they did still clash on occasion.

Instead the Doctor directed his voice across Sickbay. “Kes, could you bring me the tricorder you just re-calibrated.”

“Of course Doctor.”

Kes was here. Of course she was. She was that far back into the past. B’Elanna tried to sit up as Kes appeared, her hair in long waves of flaxen. She tried to focus. Was this after Kes had time travelled?

“Kes-“

B’Elanna felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder to stop her from sitting up. Her mind tried to race but it stalled as her head throbbed. “It’s alright, you’ve just had a knock to the head,” Kes voice fluttered as she reached for an instrument.

“That isn’t what he’s worried about.”

She saw Kes pause as she picked up the dermal regenerator. It wasn’t what she’d said. Kes had sensed something. Her perceptive abilities had picked up on something no-one else could. She knew B’Elanna didn’t belong there. 

“Lieutenant, how do you feel?” The Doctor continued as Kes addressed her head injury.

“Weak. My stomachs churning.” She groaned

“Well, you appear to be saturated with Chronoton radiation.” The EMH intoned before snapping the tricorder shut. “No wonder you don’t feel well.” B’Elanna had suspected that the radiation load increased with every jump. 

“Chronotons?” Tom asked, only to be ignored by everyone again.

B’Elanna felt her head start to throb less as her head wound closed. “Doctor- can you detect the rate of temporal flux from the radiation?”

“Possibly. It would take time to adjust the tricorder to detect-“

She cut him off, still wary of how long she might have in this this time period. “I need you to start right now.”

She sat up as Kes pressed a hypospray to her neck. “Here, this should help clear your head.”

She nodded her thanks. Kes hesitated as they met each other’s gaze, her eyes asking a multitude of questions, then she sensed something else. Another presence. Kes glanced over at Tom, and back at B’Elanna, before putting her hand on the engineers arm. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

This was more than Tom could take, his patience for this finally worn down. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m being pulled back through time. One time period to the next in pretty quick succession.”

Folding his arms again, Tom enquired, “Like what happened to Kes?”

“I saw my future-“ Kes paused, before correcting herself. She knew for certain now that the future she had experienced was gone “-a possible future.”

“This is my past. This has already happened.” She explained, mostly to Tom who gave a wary, quizzical look. “I need to talk to the captain.”

“You’ll find that difficult.” The EMH intoned. “She’s not due back from her away mission for another two hours.”

“Dammit. She’s the one with the brain for temporal science.” In place of Seven, the Captain had been a safe bet- at least as a sounding board for ideas around temporal mechanics.

“What can we do?” Kes chipped in, understanding the importance of keeping B’Elanna focused on solving her problems. This is what she needed. Belief and understanding that she had to move quickly.

“Seven said- that if a stable time field can be projected then, I could be stabilised.”

“Who’s Seven?” Tom interjected to be outright ignored again.

“What about the bio-temporal chamber?” Kes ventured.

The Doctor shook his head as he responded. “It works on an entirely different basis.”

While the Doctor was correct, it was at least loaded with parts that were key to stabilising a person in time. “But the technology in it- I could reuse the components. That might be the best way to get a head start on this.”

Unfortunately, B’Elanna also knew that she wouldn’t have enough time to build anything in this time period. Her minutes here were growing fewer. She needed to buy some time. “What technology have we acquired recently?”

“The Doctor’s mobile emitter?” Kes offered.

B’Elanna shook her head. Twenty-ninth century technology or not, she couldn’t see a way to use it.

Hesitating, Tom made his offering. Acutely aware that almost everything he had offered to this conversation had been shot down. “What about the Voth’s interphasic cloaking device?”

She smiled. Once in a while, Tom came up with something good. “If I were able to apply the interphase in a way that binds me to this time period-“

“Can you do it?” Tom asked

“It’s a good starting point.” She responded, causing Tom to step away into the lab to fetch the device. B’Elanna turned back to the EMH. “Doctor- I’m going to need that rate of temporal flux.”

“Coming up.” He intoned, almost cheerfully.

Alone with her now, Kes took a step forward before she spoke to B’Elanna. It was the strangest sensation for Kes, to see her friend, but to sense quite clearly that her being here was clashing with reality. Not to mention, the other presence. The one she shouldn’t mention. “Do you need anything else?” She asked softly

“I’m really thirsty.” B’Elanna commented.

Nodding, Kes responded. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Thanks.”

Reappearing from the lab, Tom passed the device over, with a small toolkit. “Here- one Voth interphase cloak.”

“Thanks.” She mumbled, half snatching it from him. She didn’t have time to let him use this as method to tease her. She started her work, prodding at the device’s micro-circuitry. Maybe if she could realign the emitter relay-

Tom slid and sat on the bed next to her. Folding his arms as he watched her work. “So… is the future interesting?”

“Tom-.“ She gave in a warning voice. This was not the time to be trying to get her attention.

“Oh come on.” He protested, but stayed in warm tones of voice. That was a flirtation. “You’re not going to try and give me that temporal prime directive spiel.”

She stopped a moment and turned to him. “What is it you’re asking?”

He pulled his mouth into a playful half smile. “Do you ever let your guard down, or is the future just you and me getting frustrated at each other?”

O.K. Her Tom was not this irritating. At least he knew when to shut up. Some of the time. “I’m trying to work.” She glanced over to him. “Do you have any idea how annoying you are?”

That only served to spur him further. God, he really got a kick out of irritating her. “So the future is just you and me rubbing each other up the wrong way for seventy years?”

“I’ll tell you this much, you never learn to leave things alone.” She intoned as she found the microcircuit relevant to what she was trying to achieve. “Doctor-“

“Just a moment.” The EMH was still tapping parameters into the Tricorder. “Right. I think that will do it.” He turned, scanned her again and then reviewed. “There. I’m getting a temporal variance of 9.47.”

“Great.” She responded before adjusting the circuit output, replacing the components and slapping the device on her arm. As she did so, B’Elanna seemed to shimmer for a moment before she solidified again.

“Is that it?” Tom asked, seemly disappointed.

She tried not to show irritation as she explained. “It’s a temporary fix, a foothold. It might keep me here longer, hopefully long enough to create a stable time field. After that-“

He nodded and she continued. “I might be stuck here.”

“Would that be so bad?” He smiled, self-assured that he could make being stuck in this time period fun. He was far too distracting.

Turning to the EMH, B’Elanna went back to focussing on the matter at hand. “How’s that looking now Doctor?”

“You’re still awash with Chronotons- but the fluctuation of the radiation is stabilising.” She breathed a sign of relief. That was at least good news. But the Doctor continued. “Hmm. That’s interesting.”

“What?” Tom asked as the EMH glanced upward.

“Now that the Chronotons are levelling out- it rather looks like-.”

B’Elanna cut him off in an effort to stop him before he could blow the tension in the room out of the water. “I know what it looks like Doctor.”

“I don’t understand.” He responded, his voice somewhere between concerned and curious.

“She must still exist, somewhere.” B’Elanna whispered, resisting the urge to touch where her bump had been. Where her daughter had lain.

“She?” Tom asked the EMH.

The Doctor nodded. “The tricorder shows no mass, but there are hormone fluctuations and an additional life sign.”

Before B’Elanna could stop the Doctor, he managed to totally reveal what the tricorder told him. “There’s such a thing as a phantom pregnancy but this is- not what I would consider under that definition.”

She squeezed her eyes closed a moment.

Now would have been an excellent opportunity for time to shift again, but it didn’t happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MIC DROP*


	12. Unexpected Juncture Pt2

Kes walked out of the Doctors office, carrying a glass of water, to see an odd frozen tableau of her ship mates. The Doctor looking quizzical. B’Elanna looking like she was about to rip his head off and Tom.

Tom looked as though his entire world had just been undermined. His eyes wide and mouth gaping slightly. He was lost for what to say. “What-.“ She started to say before the Doctor cut her off.

“I was merely commenting on the fact that Lieutenant Torres has several signs of pregnancy.”

In an effort to contain her rage, B’Elanna turned away from the EMH. Not uttering any of the several curses running through her mind.

Kes put down the water then tugged at the EMH’s arm. “Doctor, can I see you-.“ she hauled him away, catching B’Elanna’s eye as she did.

With effort, B’Elanna drew herself up and turned back to Tom. Slowly, he started to stand. He looked positively wounded. “Well. No wonder you didn’t want to tell me anything.” He said as glibly as he could manage.

“Tom-.”

“I should go.” His voice was unlike anything she’d ever heard from him. Angry. Hurt. Deceived. “There’s clearly someone else who should be here with you.” He managed to force out of his clenched jaw.

He’d read this completely wrong. He thought- he thought there was someone else. All that time she’d wondered if she was the only object of his affections and- in any other circumstance this would be hilarious.

“Tom. Sit down.” She gave in her best chief engineer tone. It at least paused him long enough for her to add in “Please.”

Reluctantly, he took the space next to her on the bed once again. As he sat, the Doctors voice escaped from his office where Kes was trying to explain that he had delivered the results of his scans in a manner that was less than helpful.

Tom and B’Elanna both looked towards the office on hearing; “How was I to know? I’m a Doctor, not a matchmaker.”

Then they looked back at each other. Tom wearing the same hurt look, bristling with indignation. Yes, he was the Tom Paris she’d fallen in love with but was light years from the father of her child. He wasn’t ready, but she didn’t have much of a choice with this. How the hell did she even start this conversation?

Slowly, she reached out and placed her hand on top of his. She half expected him to pull back from her. Instead he stared at her hand on top of his. At first he struggled to interpret what the action meant, then over a few seconds he put it together. Why she wouldn’t tell him about the future, what he couldn’t have known in the turbolift.

He opened his mouth to say something but only a breath of comprehension came out. Tom raised his eyes to her.

“Really?” He whispered, overwhelmed by it.

“Yeah.” B’Elanna nodded.

“That’s- ludicrous.”

She was unable to not draw offence from that. She could appreciate the shock but- god he was an idiot sometimes. She pulled her hand back.

He immediately back peddled, desperate to extract his foot from his mouth. “No, that’s not what I-.” He got up and paced a little, before pausing. “We’re not even-.”

“People change, Tom.” She managed, quietly. Calmly.

He folded his arms over his chest again. “Did we- did we mean for this to happen?”

She nodded as she replied. “Very much so.”

His expression changed. His gut reaction of feeling trapped, of unwanted expectation gave way to other emotions. Remembering how she was in the Turbolift, not pulling away from his touch. Leaning against him. He realised that when they finally happened- it wasn’t just going to be a fling that burned out within a few weeks. Once they’d got caught in each other’s gravity- 

“Sorry,” he said sitting down next to her again. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to fathom what it must have been like. What they would be like “It’s uh-“ he laughed a little. “It’s a lot to get my head around.” His eyes met hers again.

“I suppose.” She intoned, seeing how he’d softened. “I guess it’s quite a leap for you.”

“You think?” He joked, now a little embarrassed by his reaction. Cursing his selfish streak, now he could see past his own insecurities.

Her fingers brushed the back of his hand again. He looked down at her hand touching his. He should feel cheated out of this. That he would have to bear the responsibility a relationship with her, but would be denied the journey. But, how good were things between them if they were having a child? How content and in love were they? Because he was pretty sure B’Elanna Torres wouldn’t have a child with someone she didn’t love. 

He turned his hand over and gripped at hers, as a slow, incredulous smile crossed his lips. His heart was pounding. He didn’t know when that started. He raised his eyes to her, feeling a wave of warmth pass through him as she smiled.

“That’s why you have to get back.” He nodded. He slid his hands to her forearms, resting his hands on her taut biceps. He wanted to hold her, but still didn’t venture in without an invitation. “Can you tell me what I did right?” He grinned.

She responded with a smile, before raising her hand to his cheek. He leaned into her touch. “A lot.” She said, quietly. “You just have to give me time.”

Tom closed his eyes, feeling her touch his face, taking such delight in her touch. As he opened his eyes again, he moved closer to her, grinning. “I’m gonna be a father.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, almost casually.

“That’s possibly the best news anyone’s ever told me.”

Her fingers touched his lips, before she pulled him in and kissed him.

Tom slid his arms around her, desperate to hold her. He needed to know what this was like. He wanted this moment seared into his mind forever, to be able to cling to the elation of what it was to be loved by her. 

But it didn’t go on for as long as Tom would have liked, and soon she pulled back and spoke again. “We need to get to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! Are you happy now Kids?
> 
> I even gave Kes a shot at not being entirely useless. No one even threw a wrench at her...


	13. Spring to me

Having received even by her standards, a weird briefing on return from the away mission, Captain Kathryn Janeway was striding towards cargo bay two trying to make sense of what Tuvok had reported to her.

“I was hoping we wouldn’t have any more involvement in time travel.” Chakotay added as he walked beside her.

“Well, it seems we’re involved whether we like it or not. Unless you think Tom and B'Elanna are playing an elaborate joke on us.”

“I think this is a little too elaborate for Tom, and not B’Elanna’s style.” The first officer smirked.

As the cargo bay doors opened, the Captain caught sight of her two senior officers, B’Elanna knelt on the floor of the cargo bay, which was littered with parts and components surrounding her. Next to her, a modified deflector base that had numerous power lines and circuits exposed with other devices jammed in.

Tom was crouched beside her, enraptured with B’Elanna and what she was doing. He leaned in close to her, his hand remaining on her shoulder as she spoke to him.

The Captain already knew that this was not *her* chief engineer, that had been in Tuvok’s briefing, but she could witness the change in her before they even spoke. Her body language was almost an inverse of what she had expected.

Tom said something that caused B’Elanna to laugh. Just a small chuckle but, the look on her face. The way she looked at him, the smile she gave. How close they were to each other- right in each other’s personal space. She practically radiated warmth for him. Not that these two didn’t have affection for each other, but the antagonism that they seemed to make so much more of a show of was absent, it had given way to something else. The standoff of sniping and boiling tension had matured into a loving truce.

And the influence on Tom was impressive. The Captain watched as he stood then offered his hand and helped B’Elanna to her feet. How their hands lingered together for a moment, while Tom thought better of any further action.

Janeway glanced at Chakotay. His eyes widened slightly, confirming that they had both drawn similar conclusions.

“Captain, Chakotay.” B’Elanna nodded before turning back to Tom. “Could you find me the J Level inverse regulator?” He nodded and started sifting through parts.

The Captain started to pick her way through the various objects strewn on the floor. “Well, Tuvok’s briefed us. I have to say I was hoping things would be quiet.”

The smallest hint of a smile crossed B’Elanna’s face. “Believe me, the moment this is over with and I’m back where I’m meant to be I’m cancelling everything.”

“How far have you come?” Chakotay asked, staying on the edge of the mass of components.

The Captain turned as she spoke. “Chakotay- the less we know.”

Tom made sure he didn’t make eye contact with the Captain or First Officer. He couldn’t trust himself to not start grinning like a moron. He picked his way through the components as he searched until he was stood near Chakotay.

“So, you’re building a field generator.” The Captain ventured, crouching at the deflector base. 

B’Elanna crossed her arms across her chest as she spoke. “Apparently if I can match the rate of temporal flux to the phenomena that’s causing this, then I can stabilise my time stream-”

The Captain stood and looked to her as the engineer continued.

“-which will mean I’m stuck here and I very much need to get back.”

“Alright.” The Captain began. “What if we reverse the polarity of the Chronoton flow?”

“That could cause a subspace breach, and saturate half the ship with Tachyons.”

Across the cargo bay, Chakotay looked on as Tom grabbed at the component he was looking for. Chakotay turned to the pilot.

“Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?” Chakotay asked as the engineering conversation seemed to build and move to a higher plane of existence.

“Oh, I’m here for grunt work.” Tom smiled, “My mind’s been blown enough today.”

Both men turned to look at B’Elanna and the Captain, caught in a fevered exchange of ideas. Chakotay and Tom stood, watching both women for a moment, captivated by their brilliance, among other things. Smirking, Chakotay left for the bridge. 

“Try that.” The Captain intoned as she activated part of the field generator.

“No.” B’Elanna shook her head as Tom passed her the regulator. “It’s not able to adapt to the frequency quickly enough.”

“Perhaps, you should consider that remaining in this time may be your best option.” Janeway ventured.

Tom snuck a glance at B’Elanna. If this version of her stayed, then he’d never see his B’Elanna again. As much as he understood and cared for this version of her, he wanted to be with his B’Elanna; he wanted the journey with her. He wanted all their firsts to be, exactly that. Not something new for him and reliving the past for her. Everything he would be for this version of her was already set. Anything they would have together- if she stayed- would be unbalanced by that.

“I can’t do that.” B’Elanna shook her head. “Staying here and having to live those years again- I have too much to lose.”

He watched her lean into the Captain a little closer. “Let’s just say, there’s more than me to consider in this.” She wouldn’t- couldn’t stay, and Tom agreed. The thought of his child- their daughter. Visions of tiny fingers curling around his. Of a future he had to ensure would happen.

“Well, you could consider the third option.” The Captain continued.

“Oh?”

“You said that the jumps occur after a phenomena appears. Have you considered entering the phenomena?”

He felt his eyes widen with the suggestion. That sounded quite frankly, suicidal. From her response, B’Elanna appeared to agree. “Given the Tachyon output from the Eddy, any shuttle would be torn apart.”

“Well, it may be something to consider if this doesn’t work.” The Captain advised.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t-.” B’Elanna froze midsentence as the interphase cloak on her arm hissed and caused her to shimmer.

“Dammit.” She pulled the device from her arm and jabbed at it. “Out of power.”

“There goes your safety line.” Tom mumbled.

After a moment to compose herself, B’Elanna carried on with that she was doing. She couldn’t afford to stop.

“Tom, pass me the regulator.” Janeway asked just as the ship began to shake.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” B’Elanna raised her voice but carried on working, her pace becoming more furious. “Dammit, I need a few more minutes.” She threw the power connectors on and the device hummed.

“B’Elanna- we need to test-.” The Captain was saying, feeling Tom pulling at her shoulder.

“You two need to get back.” B’Elanna nodded, knowing she was down to a few second. She hesitated a moment and looked at Tom. He had the strangest mix of concern and resignation on his face, fearful for her but, at the same time willing her to do this before it was too late.

She input the data and waited for the device to fully activate. Sparks flew and a wave of pressure rode out that almost knocked her off her feet. There was a blinding shimmer of light-.

**

The shimmer stopped and B’Elanna fell to her knees hard before putting her head to the floor to try and defeat the dizziness. It was dark- the cargo bay was now dimly lit, but even through that she could see the uniform she was wearing wasn’t any she was familiar with.

A hand on her back, cautious. “B’Elanna-.“ His voice was softer than she was used to. 

She drew herself up, closing her eyes with the effort. Feeling his hand on her face before she opened her eyes again.

A slight gasp escaped from her as she looked at him. It was definitely Tom but he must have been in his sixties. His face was lined, hair receded further but- those eyes were ageless. She murmured his name, trying to grasp what was happening.

“O.k.” He started. “You said this would be where it gets complicated-.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, yes. This took forever to get done. I have all the time and none of the motivation. I'm going to try and have a push on getting this finished.


	14. To the last syllable

Sitting back on the deck, B’Elanna tried to understand what had gone wrong. She should have been pulled back to her own time, instead she was flung into her future. “I was jumping back- now I’ve jumped ahead.”

“That’s what you’ve been telling me.” Tom sat on the deck next to her, his hand stroking her arm but staying a cautious distance. They were both wearing an iteration of Starfleet uniforms, but Tom had four pips worn at the collar bone level. She looked down to see she had three pips.

 _Well,_ she thought _. At least I know Tom doesn’t die on deck fifteen._

“Six weeks ago something happened to you, like a fugue state with no explanation- the Doc thought you had symptoms of temporal psychosis. Four days ago you snapped out of it and told me, that you and your past self were- not aligned.”

She shook her head at him. “What the hell does that-?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “You weren’t too specific.”

Gingerly he went to stand and then offered his hand to her. “What you did say was that you needed to build some sort of stable time field generator that you had to activate at the right time, in the right place.”

“That’s it?” B’Elanna tried not to sound too incredulous. She turned to the field generator to try and make sense of what it was doing and why it had pulled her here.

Tom continued to speak as she tapped into the console. “About five minutes ago you really started losing it.” His voice tailed off as he spoke. Watching his wifes' grasp on reality seeming disintegrate had been hard, and was even stranger now she was fully aware of herself again. “Then you just decided to activate it.” He gestured to a band of metal on his bicep. “Lucky you made me wear this.

“Some kind of temporal anchor?” She asked, then nodded, not really grasping her older self’s reasoning for a lot things. Temporal psychosis may have a lot to answer for. “Any reason I chose Cargo bay 2?”

“Cargo bay 2 of Voyager?” Tom shook his head, to him the sequence of events was seemingly random. “We haven’t set on foot on this ship in- twelve years.”

Twelve years. So, they wouldn’t be in the Delta quadrant for the next thirty years then. “What’s the Stardate?”

Shaking his head again, Tom responded, “I shouldn’t.”

Her eyes narrowed as she folded her arms across her chest, “Really?” She cocked her head to one side, seeing streaks of grey in her own hair as she moved. “You’ve going to give me the Temporal Prime directive nonsense. Just what I need.” Her voice had the annoyed edge.

“We’re in enough trouble.” Tom responded with a subtle smile. 

“We shouldn’t be here?” She responded.

He nodded again. Still smiling. “And- we are going to get caught.” He said it as an inevitability. There was a reason they were both in uniform.

Turning, B’Elanna started to pace. The agitation showing in her voice. “So, I just wait until, what exactly?”

Following after her, Tom explained as well as he could. “My understanding is, when you’ve stabilised and ‘realigned’ the time field should make everything go back to the way it was. The way it’s meant to be.”

“So we just- wait?” She stood opposite him, he was careful. He stayed in his own space, but still close. Seemingly reminding himself that this was not his wife. At least, not quite the woman he’d loved for thirty-five years.

“I guess.” Tom responded.

B’Elanna paused. It was so strange for him to be so much older, but still be so recognisably him. She reached for his hand and clasped it. Her fingers grasping at his wedding ring. He’d really meant it. When he said he’d never leave. He wouldn’t find her or their daughter to be too much. He’d stayed. She smiled at that thought. “You look-.“ She started to say.

“Old?” Tom cut her off, pulling her towards him gently.

“I was going with -distinguished.” She offered, playfully. She had to admit the years had not been too unkind to him. 

With a cautious but wry smile, Tom reached for her face again. You- look like my wife.” He cupped her cheek, stroking at her jaw. “Where are you- when are you from?

“Uh-We’ve been in the Delta quadrant nearly seven years.” She offered. “The baby’s due, really soon.”

He was faintly surprised by that. “Wow.” He breathed, “That’s a lifetime ago. There’s so much you don’t-.” Tom stopped talking as phaser fire could be heard in the distance and his combadge chirped before a voice called for him. 

“Dad.” It was the voice of a young woman.

Thumping his chest, Tom responded. “What’s going on?”

“Starfleet security are here.” She continued, slightly breathless. “Carwyn’s giving them the run around on deck eight.”

Tom exhaled, clearly concerned by how events were developing. “Where’s Mike?”

B’Elanna closed her eyes. The relief of hearing her speak, knowing she existed. That she sounded like Tom, but also so much like herself. “He’s on the bridge trying to slow them down.”

“Are you holding position?” Tom asked.

“No, I’m coming to you cos you’re about to have company.”

Tom turned back to B’Elanna as he spoke. “Understood.” He walked towards the Cargo bay door and checked the seal. It might buy them thirty seconds. 

“I wish you’d brought a phaser.” Their daughter hissed down the com. 

“They won’t shoot me.” Tom said calmly.

“You sure about that?” She retorted. 

“Well- we’ll find out.” Tom replied as he thumped his combadge again to end the conversation. As he did phaser fire could be heard from outside. They were coming through the door.

“We’re really not meant to be here.” B’Elanna said as Tom crossed back over to her.

“Given the amount of temporal incursions that occurred on Voyager, no. Temporal investigations have her impounded.”

B’Elanna stepped back behind the console as the doors were forced open. “Tom-.” She said as the rest of her sentence died on her lips.

“It’ll be fine. I’ve got this.” He intoned before turning and raising his hands for the two officers who entered the cargo bay. Both had phasers trained on them. 

The lead officer, a stocky Human Commander stepped forward. His jaw taught with focus. “Captain Paris, you are to stand down.”

Staying perfectly still, Tom spoke calmly. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“My orders are very specific, Sir.” He intoned, at least trying to appeal to protocol. “I ask you again, stand down.”

As Tom started to step forward, B’Elanna felt her heart start to pound. At this sort of range, even on stun a phaser could still do damage. Tom was too old to be taking phaser hits. “Think about what you’re doing Commander.” Tom said gently.” All I want to do is ensure my wife is taken care of, then you can court martial me all you like.”

He was playing for time still. Sometimes he was smarter than he looked.

The other officer spoke up, a Trill. “Oh, it won’t just be you sir. It’ll be your children and son in law as well.”

B’Elanna felt her stomachs lurch with realisation that the whole family had endangered and possibly destroyed their lives for her. “Tom-.”

“They knew what they got themselves into.” He said softly, hating that the day his children made sacrifices for him had been so early on. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked beyond both security officers.

“Damn Right.” Miral intoned as she appeared in the doorway. As the Trill officer turned she leapt on him and punched him to the ground. B’Elanna got a brief glimpse of her daughter. In the dim light and distance all she could see was how much they looked alike.

Tom had tried to disarm the security officer he was close to, but the man being thirty years his junior meant he did not have the upper hand. As they struggled, a round fired off and hit the field generator.

Sparks flew, and as they did B’Elanna caught Miral’s eye, and heard her cry out for her mother. Tom turned in time to see his daughter fade from existence.

A wordless scream came from him, as B’Elanna dropped to the floor and felt herself slip away again.


	15. Wrong Turn

As Tom’s cry of shock at the loss of his daughter echoed around the cargo bay, the two security officers faded as well.

He didn’t just feel hollow from loss and fear, but unnerved. If the security officers vanished, then the whole universe was starting to unravel around them. Haltingly, aching from the struggle with the officer he picked himself up and made his way to the fallen form of his wife, going to his knees beside her.

Reaching out with his hand trembling, his fingers found a pulse. Weakened and strained but steady.

She was here. That was something. He dared not try and com Michael, he already knew he wouldn’t reply- because if Miral didn’t exist then her brother wouldn’t either. Leaning forward, he stroked B’Elanna’s face. If she was here, then what happened to their children? What had gone wrong?

She groaned, a semi-conscious whimper, much like the cries she had made in her sleep. But this time he can hear his own name being uttered in those almost mewling cries.

His fingers brushed her cheek, trying to soothe his ailing wife. Knowing that she could no longer offer any help to him.

A few minutes later as she quietened, he forced himself to be pragmatic. Tom got to his feet and went to the field generator. It wasn’t deactivated, but the phaser hit had damaged and knocked the time field out of kilter. It had caused something major to change. He touched the temporal anchor on his bicep. His whole universe hinged on what he did next.

*******

Coming to in the co-pilots seat of the Cochrane, B’Elanna sat up gradually.

She was back in the past again, because Tom had lost thirty five years and was slumped over the helm.

She called to him gently, but he didn’t stir. Reaching for his shoulder, she shook him but he didn’t respond to her. Her fingers to his neck. His pulse was weak. She reached for his face, he felt cold. She’d been about to reach for her combadge when they were hailed, Captain Janeway’s voice ringing through.

“Voyager to Cochrane.”

“Torres here.” Her head thick with pain, her voice strained. “Medical emergency.”

“Stand by for transport.”

The lights in sickbay were dizzyingly bright as she helped the Doctor pull Tom onto the main biobed.

“What happened?” Kes asked her softly, seeing there was more that her injuries clouding B’Elanna’s thoughts.

“I Don’t- I’m not sure.” She shook her head, “What’s the stardate?”

“Kes.” The Doctor called her over, his voice snapping slightly at the seriousness of the situation.

The hologram gave a simulated sigh before he spoke again. “His entire motor cortex has collapsed. His autonomic responses are beginning to fail.”

“What?” B’Elanna exclaimed, knowing that this simply wasn’t possible. Minutes ago she’d seen Tom as a man in his sixties. He couldn’t-

“The damage is- irreparable.” The EMH added snapping the tricorder shut. “Putting him on life support wouldn’t give any meaningful extension to his life.”

“How long?” She heard herself say, but she wasn’t sure she spoke. Her whole body felt numb.

“Minutes.” The Doctor said softly before adding in. “I’m sorry.”

“He’d have lived if I’d got him back sooner-” her thoughts started to run together. This- this is why Miral vanished. Why the universe had changed around them. The timefield being disrupted had altered their own history. Miral couldn’t be born if her father died five years previously.

She thought of Tom, lying in the corridor on deck fifteen. Seeing Tom thirty years in the future had made her think that he hadn’t died there.

But she was wrong. She needed to go to him. There was nothing she could do to save him but- She needed to be with him.

“B’Elanna-“

She approached without hesitation.

He was breathing, slowly in shallow breaths. No other flicker of life or awareness. She picked up his left hand. He already felt cold. She pressed his limp fingers to her cheek, thinking about the wedding ring that wasn’t pressed against her face.

She was still moving back in time, which meant she could fix this. She could stop the change that caused this- if she could get out of jumping into the past. But right now that wouldn’t help. At this moment, at this time he was going to die and she was damned if she wasn’t going to be with him.

“It’s not meant to be this way.” Tears pricked the corners of her eyes but she blinked them back

She reached for his face, knowing his eyes wouldn’t open. That all the joy, and certainty and stability he brought her was fading.

Someone came through the main doors, she didn’t turn to look. She knew she’d be an object of curiosity. Sat holding the hand of a friend while they slipped away. No-one with any idea what they had meant to each other- would mean to each other. Would have meant to each other.

She leaned over and pulled her arms around his shoulders. She didn’t want him to die alone. Unable to hold it back anymore, she wept. Silent, stubborn tears falling from her eyes. The ship started to shake.

She wouldn’t even be here when he passed. She leaned her forehead to his, feeling his faltering breath against her.

“I never loved anyone like I love you. And this isn’t how you’re supposed to leave me Tom.”

She closed her eyes, feeling the change coming for her.

*******

As it all changed again, she found herself back in engineering. Red alert sirens were screeching and there was a panicked atmosphere.

Joe Cary was yelling. “Vidiians. Chief, you need to go!”

She had no time to answer her own questions of when or where.

“Go!” He yelled again as he reached for a phaser.

She ran for the Jeffries tube hatch and as she climbed in and sealed the hatch behind her. There was weapons fire on the lower deck. This didn’t happen, at least it didn’t happen to her. Vidiians. Boarded by Vidiians.

She was on the wrong version of Voyager. This was the version that would be destroyed.

She clamored forward, crawling quickly, away from the fight before stopping at the junction, emotionally and physically exhausted.

She wanted to scream. To rage. The hull rumbled.

She took several deep breaths. She had to survive this. “I have to fix this- I have to-“

***

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust.

Her eyes were quicker than her counterpart in the darkness.

The human looked around, frankly shocked.

The Klingon was aware of so much more, the heat of the fire, the damp smell of the cave system. The putrid smell of Vidiians.

“Are you?” The human version of her said.

The Klingon nodded back. “Are you?”

“Great.” The human breathed. “Just what I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know it's been a while. I have been chipping away. More to come on this.
> 
> Also, my favorite idea for a new Trek show would be a Voyager Spin off where Janeway, B'Elanna and Seven are all older women living together in a condo solving crimes and doing science. Like the Golden Girls meets Murder She Wrote with static warp fields and sassy dialogue.


	16. Second time lucky

They both sat in silence for a moment. Contemplating where they were and the fact that both of them simultaneously had the consciousness of B’Elanna Torres within them. They could both remember this event initially happening, and the years following. Now, it was as if her psyche had partitioned itself into the two beings.

“Does this mean you’ll remember what it was to be me this time?” The Klingon spat almost accusingly at the human. She scowled as her counterpart tried to grasp the situation.

“I don’t think now is the time for a philosophical debate.” The human responded, shaking her head. She felt so strange. She was so weakened by these events, losing her Klingon strength rendered her almost useless.

“I’m not the one debating.” The Klingon ejected as she stood. “We should go.”

“Where?”

“We need to find Tom.” The Klingon insisted. She sounded strangely urgent. “We need to be sure he’s safe.”

The human shook her head, again knowing that the best way to deal with this situation was to wait for it to be over. “We both know he isn’t.”

“All the more reason to go and look for him.” The Klingon stood, looking for a means to extinguish the fire,

“Why?” The human stood and tried to remonstrate with the other version of herself. “We know he’s alright after this. Anything we do might change that.”

The Klingon turned on her heel, face to face with her human self. “We may have already changed it.” 

“We can’t risk it-,” The human insisted. “Tom can look after himself.”

“Can he?” The Klingon suddenly boomed, her voice louder and temper frayed. “Was he looking after himself when you left him on deck fifteen? You’ve already killed him twice today!”

Her Klingon half actively blamed her human side for that. It was a strange unconscious bias to become aware of.

“That is-.“ The human cut herself off. What had happened in the shuttle was not her fault. Not either of her selves could be at fault there. But, B’Elanna had to admit to having questioned her actions of this morning. “I was going for help!” The human found herself raising her voice, literally having to justify her actions to herself.

“You didn’t even try to get him out of there.” The Klingon snarled back.

“What was I supposed to do?” The human responded, the tension between her two halves still rising. “Start throwing around pieces of bulkhead and risk the baby?”

The Klingon paused and scoffed at the human B’Elanna. “She’s far more resilient than you might think- Our daughter is part Klingon.” Then she reeled back and laid the heart of the matter down. “No thanks to you.”

It was one thing to be presented with both parts of her dual heritage as she time travelled backwards towards oblivion, trying to prevent the untimely death of her husband and protect the existence of her yet unborn child.

It was quite another to be face to face with her own internalised racism towards herself, and how it had almost resulted in what she now knew to be a terrible error in judgement. It knocked the human back.

“No,” she whispered. “We can’t do this now.” She pleaded to her Klingon half.

“Why not?” Her voice was quieter. It still had the edge to it but, there was something she had not heard before. Was that- sadness? “You tried to take her heritage from her. You want me to have no part of our child.”

Our child. The existence of the child that was now precarious, but the baby belonged to both these versions of herself.

She had tried to give her daughter an easier life. One where she would be able to blend in, to be valued for her abilities, and not who her ancestors had been.

That would have denied so much. She saw that now. That being stronger, faster and much more physically resilient was so integral to who she was. To think of the gifts her heritage would give their child.

She sat again, needing the warmth of the fire once more. Her frail, human body able to withstand so little. “I made a mistake.” She said in a quiet, but insistent voice,

The Klingon was however, still pacing and prowling. Rightly aggrieved. “More than that.” She growled, before standing close to her human side and giving her brutal honesty. “You think that Tom only loves you, that he tolerates me. Well I am his and he is mine, don’t forget that.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment.

The human considered. Before adding in a small voice. “I don’t think that.”

“Really?” The Klingon snarled the word, but knelt beside her human half. Willing to at least listen to her side.

“Sometimes-“ the human began, her dark eyes lit by the still smouldering embers, “-I think I’m the one he tolerates.” She turned to her Klingon side. “You have the strength and the courage and the will to keep going no matter what. You’re the one he wants to see when he looks at us.”

She folded her arms across her chest. Contemplating how anyone would ever find more than tolerance for the frailty of her human half. “When he sees me he sees weakness. Someone who desperately needs that love.”

She looked back towards the Klingon half. “He might love me, but he’s in love with you.”

“And you resent that?” The Klingon said, calmly. As if stating a fact.

“No.” The human breathed out. “But I worry about what happens if that goes away.”

The ground underfoot started to shake. The human felt the touch of the Klingon's hand on her shoulder. “Tom will not abandon us. So long as we do not abandon him.”

“How do we fix this?” The human asked, unsure how to make right what had happened.

“We take Captain Janeway’s suggestion. While we still can.” The Klingon confirmed.

She was right. They were out of options. They were almost at the point of being so far back and they wouldn’t be in the Delta Quadrant.

The human gripped back at the Klingons arm. She felt strangely calm as the universe shifted again.


	17. Time's up

She was in the Turbolift. She was on Voyager.

She still had a chance. She could carry out Captain Janeway’s suggestion of taking a shuttle and ramming it into the time eddy- if she just had enough time.

The Stardate. Dammit, if it was too early the shuttles would have standard lock out codes and she couldn’t just take one. She’d need a second code.

Having had enough of toying with her today, the universe sent her a gift. The turbolift stopped and with a curt nod of acknowledgement, Tom stepped into the lift and stood beside her.

Not even small talk. This was so early.

She had to trust herself. Trust that she could appeal to who she knew he was, not who he appeared to be.

She turned to face him. “Tom-,”

He glanced over, his curiosity at least peaked by the familiarity. “Yeah?” He asked pensively.

“I need to tell you something.” She said quickly before calling out “Computer, halt Turbolift.”

She paused again. Hell, how could she even start this? She needed to get and hold his attention. It had to be intimate, something that only she knew, and show that she was on his side.

His brow furrowed, and his eyes were ice blue. Scrutinising her and her actions. “Well-“ He had started to ask impatiently before she cut him off.

*****

They strode into the shuttle bay, both walking with an air of authority that B’Elanna recalled she was yet to develop in this time. Maybe that was what had made Tom look so damn arrogant in those early days, that despite the unique circumstances that drew the Voyager crew together- even then he held himself like he belonged there.

Looking at what she would now consider a wide choice of shuttles, B’Elanna nodded towards the Cochrane. On reflection, it was probably sentiment that drew to that particular craft.

Crewman Foster turned to them both, caught off guard by the presence of two senior officers. “I’m sorry I-“

“It’s OK. Crewman.” Tom nodded as he easily reeled a lie off his swift tongue. “Routine inspection. Why don’t you go grab some coffee? We’ll be a while.”

Foster thought about it for a moment as Tom gave a friendly smile. The deck officer nodded before leaving with a curt. “Sir.”

As soon as he was through the doors, B’Elanna seized on the unoccupied console and started programming pre-flight protocols to automate the launch sequence. 

“Smooth.” She remarked, as she stood back and had Tom enter his codes to override the lock out command.

“So. What’s your plan?” He said without looking up as he input his lockout codes. Now the computer would simply read any launch as expected rather than unauthorised and would give her the chance to get away before she was detected. 

She reached over and tapped more commands into the console, having no time to stay out of Tom’s personal space. “I'm going to take a shuttle, then at the right moment, fly it into a time eddy.” With a sparse few keystrokes she took the shuttle bays internal sensors offline.

Pausing, Tom glared at her. “Are you insane?” He couldn’t believe he’d given away his command codes for this.

“No.” She retorted. “But I’m fresh out of ideas and ways to get back to my time and the Captain theorised it would work.”

Stepping towards her, he asserted his position. “I’m coming with you.”

Oh for goodness sake. What a time for Tom at this stage in life to become noble. B’Elanna shook her head. “No, you’re not.”

He exhaled a snort, with more than a hint of derision. “You think you can fly the shuttle well enough?”

No. No she wasn’t going to bite on that. He might cloak this in arrogance, but deep down she knew he couldn’t bear the idea of waving someone off to risk their life alone. 

“Tom, you have to stay here or my timeline could really get screwed up.”

He slipped forward a little, the timbre of his voice dropping as he spoke. He was trying to turn on the charm. “I’m just saying if you’re used to flying cargo crates with nacelles you might need some-“

It was, on reflection a ridiculous thing to do. But she needed him to shut up. And she needed to distract him. And, dammit. If this was the end of the line why the hell not? She grabbed him by the shoulders and wrenched him into a kiss.

At first he didn’t react. But, she banked that at this stage in Tom’s life, he would have considered it rude to not participate, and after a few seconds he did not disappoint. He folded his arms around her, pulling her against him.

B’Elanna regretted she didn’t have time for anything else.

“Huh.” Was all Tom could manage as their lips parted.

“I’m sorry.” She breathed. There was something else she was going to have to regret.

“About what?” He exhaled, a little giddy from the unexpected bout of passion. 

He caught the phaser hit squarely before he could even process what happened and crumpled to the floor next to the console. The lack of internal sensors meant the phaser fire went undetected. At least if this didn’t work, it would be easy for him to convince Captain Janeway that he was coerced.

B’Elanna dropped the phaser and keyed in the next sequences. She couldn’t help but glance at the unconscious helmsman on the floor next to her. “Sorry.” She mumbled as she finished, “Really sorry.”

She stepped away and walked quickly towards the Cochrane. “Computer. Erect a level 10 forcefield around the console area.” She turned for long enough to see the forcefield shimmer and see that Tom was safely behind it.

Inside the shuttle, she keyed the final parts of the launch sequence and set the bay doors to open.

**

As the shuttle went from the bay to the black, the universe seemed to tremble. As B’Elanna looked up from the controls she could see the eddy open.

Maybe this was a choice between oblivion and oblivion, but at least one of those options held some hope.

Hope that Tom wasn’t going to die. That she would get back to her own time. That she’d get to hold her daughter. 

A hail came from Voyager. She jabbed a button on the helm to ignore the hail and with a few well-placed taps set the thrusters to maximum and entered the eddy.

She was thrown to the floor and was sure the shuttle was being torn apart. She was convinced she’d made the wrong choice- until-. 


	18. Do-over

“Sorry, it’s Neelixes ‘I can’t believe it’s not coffee’. He raised the coffee to his lips and grimaced.

“That good?” She said, hesitating from raising the cup to her mouth, enjoying the look of distaste on his face.

“Oh, just terrible. But don’t tell Neelix I said that.” He said wiping some of the ersatz coffee from his lower lip. 

When he wasn’t being a pig, he could be quite…

…just in time to see Tom miss his shot, throw the cue across the table scattering all the balls in play, before without ceremony he totally lost his balance and fell to the floor of Sandrines.

B’Elanna had to cover her mouth to prevent the synthahol in her mouth spraying all over Harry.

“That’s one helluva trick shot, Tom.” Harry laughed as she made her way across the bar.

Tom sat up, wearing a bemused look. “And you’re the chief pilot. That really doesn’t fill me with confidence,” B’Elanna commented stretching out her hand to…

…he let her lips meet his. She was burning for him. She needed him now. But this time she understood why she had to be with him…

…turning her face to his, both pinned to the floor by Hirogen. He grimaced as pain shot through him before opening his eyes. He’d never looked so sad to see…

…it wasn’t Tom. It was Tom’s body but she could see now the way Steth moved in it was wrong. The eyes were cold.

“You’re a real disappointment to me, you know that? I don’t know what I ever saw in you.”

It was one thing to steal her lovers body, sleep with her and leave Tom trapped in a different body. But gaslighting her?

It might have been the face of Tom Paris, but she struck it with her fist anyway. He wobbled, clearly not expecting that reaction before she smacked him to the ground this time.

From the floor he looked up at her, wiping blood from Tom’s lip. “You’ll be sorry.” Steth hissed.

“Somehow, I doubt it.” She smiled down at him, glad to have eked a modicum of satisfaction from…

…watching Chakotay’s expression. He stood with her, as he gave her the news.

“I know- it may seem harsh, but the Captain’s decision is final.” He was being gentle with this, and while he appreciated why the Captain didn’t want to give any ground over Tom’s stay in the brig, he didn’t have to agree with every aspect of it.

“It’s fine.” She said. “I can cope with thirty days. I just don’t know if Tom will.” He was, after all a social person. She couldn’t imagine him enduring weeks of solitude…

”Maxwell Burke,” She intoned as he used that stupid nickname. This time, she gave him the back of her hand causing the assembled crowd to…

…she sprung from the seat, ignoring the throbbing pounding of own her head. Tom was screaming. She supposed beaming him out of that ship was akin to cutting his limbs off. She was across the room, helping the Doctor pin him down. Trying to reason with him, but he was beyond her...

…sweet and tender, still hurried. Straddled across him as he sat on her bed with his back to the wall. Her hands gripping at his shoulders as he thrusted gently, he used one arm to pull her against him, the other between her legs coaxing her to…

…as both of his hands wrapped around hers. “Do we set a date?” Tom asked.

What about today? She breathed, still giddy with how fast things were moving.

“Wh-,” He couldn’t quite manage words.

“Unless, you wanted to wait-“

“No. I want this now.” He grinned. He didn’t want a promise of marriage. He wanted to hurtle right to it. “How about we get a change of clothes, then go see the Captain?”

He wasn’t joking. He was entirely serious. B’Elanna responded with an irrepressible…

…the transporter materialised her inside the Delta Flyer, Tom stood in front of her. She shook off the disorientation of the unexpected transport and embraced him. Her stomach flipped a little and her back twinged slightly. She hadn’t known what she knew now, that three of them were caught in that embrace…

…placing his hand on her stomach as their daughter kicked hard. Even under these circumstances he smiled. Even though his memories hadn’t been restored, the moment he’d seen her again he wouldn’t let her leave his sight. He couldn’t shake the need to be with her. A purge of most of his memories couldn’t…

…“Breathe! Breathe!” The Doctor was saying as calmly as he could.

It wasn’t quite a scream that came from her mouth. She was too busy channeling the effort that a scream would have taken into pushing…

…nestled in Tom’s arms, trying to be comfortable while lying amongst the animal skins. Breathing him in as a relief from the constant sulphur miasma that prevailed on Boreth. His lips touched her shoulder, tender and…

…didn’t look back. That was a small mercy. Miral squirmed as B’Elanna held her daughter closer. Desperate for one last glimpse of Tom’s face, and at the same time knowing the sight of his despair would cause her to…

…”Don’t move.” She said the moment he opened his eyes. All three of them finally together again…

…Again. Another contraction, sweat dripping from her face as she pushed. Tom’s eyes locking with hers- “I can see his head”-…

…over an hour, both of them sat in the apple tree with their legs swinging. It was starting to get cold but she didn’t want to force them inside until they’d talked through what had happened.

Michael was crashed out on the couch, his chubby toddler hands gripping at the blanket. She smoothed his golden hair back …

…couldn’t even move to help get herself dug out. Her lungs weren’t working properly, but her ears could make out Tom’s voice on the other side of the debris. She yelped as the fallen panel nudged her broken leg…

…as Harry nudged her and nodded she looked over. Tom was stood in the auditorium aisle, clapping Miral’s graduation. No dress uniform, and exhausted looking but he’d made it. She couldn’t fault that. She hoped… 

…gave the faintest trace of his lopsided grin as a response, albeit softened by painkillers and sedation. For a man who had been presumed dead for a week he was quite lively…

… “Does this mean you’re free for lunch?” she spun on her heels at the sound of his voice. That ridiculous Hawaiian shirt. Had he actually gone AWOL to see her? She didn’t know if she cared- he was here…

…“been twenty-five years since we returned home.” The Admiral took the time to smile at each of them before continuing her speech. “This family is…

…”Perfect, aren’t they?” Tom grinned as they slowly walked the path behind their newly-married daughter and her husband. She looked at Tom, even with age his eyes shone for her…

…clicked behind her as she left the dampness of San Francisco in the street, the moisture in the air so strange after months in space. She dumped her bag in the hallway before seeing there were already flowers on the table. Tom wasn’t meant to be here until tomorrow. He was early… 

***********

“I can’t believe she’d build something without some sort of redundancy.”

She knew that was her daughter’s voice. Not from those brief words she’s heard over the com, but how she spoke. That tiniest hint of a Klingon accent, but with the ease and confidence only her father could have given her.

B’Elanna ached all over. Her head throbbed and she felt weak. Even so, her keen senses told her that while she was prone, she wasn’t on the floor of the cargo bay anymore. She was being held. She was lying in Tom’s arms. 

She’d done it. They were both here, she’d fixed it.

“I think that’s what I am. I’m the redundant circuit.” He said softly, close to her ear.

“That’s sort of fitting.” Miral retorted, unable to miss an opportunity to joke at her father’s expense, no matter the severity of the situation. She’d been about to speak again when her mother opened her eyes with a gasping breath.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you.” Tom gripped her, stroking her face. He was harried, but radiated love. 

B’Elanna reached out her hand for Miral’s, who willingly took it. She wore a very sober expression, her bottomless blue eyes fixed on her mothers. “Mom-.“

Flitting her gaze between Tom and Miral she managed to speak, finding that even her voice sounded frail. “Are you OK?”

Miral managed a weak smile as she squeezed her mother’s hand and nodded. “We’re fine.”

“How long-?” B’Elanna breathed. 

“Not long.” Tom said, his eyes moistening as he spoke. He leaned down, his face pressed to hers. “I love you.” He whispered.

Her throat tightened. That wasn’t an affirmation. It was an assumed fare well.

If the universe had asked her this morning what she’d give for them, she would have answered with her life before she could process the words. It was an easy abstract.

But in reality- it was hard. Seeing their eyes, knowing that in giving her life- also depriving them both of her was unspeakably painful. In her heart she knew Tom would never recover from such a loss.

“I love you too.” She whispered as Tom pulled back, his face reaching for a smile that never quite materialised. He seemed to get further away. She couldn’t hold her eyes open anymore. “Miral-.”

“I’m here.” She feels her daughter squeezing her hand.

There was a beeping, her body felt strange. Numb and cold like she was getting further away from them.

“It was all for you-.” She whispered to her daughter before the blackness became too much.

The last thing she heard was Tom. His voice becoming desperate. “B’Elanna- B’Elanna stay with us.”

*****************

Then, she was in someone else’s arms.

She was conscious enough to feel when she was hauled off the floor of sickbay, but struggled to follow what was being said.

“…no life support.” Chakotay groaned with effort. He’d been the one to move her

“How long was she…” the Captain was asking. Her tone was off- talking fast. She was clearly shaken by events.

“Help me put her on her side.” The Doctor kept calm and neutral. 

As she was moved a hand pressed to her cheek before smoothing hair from her face. “What was she doing out there?” The Captain lingered beside her.

A hypospray pressed to her neck and it was sometime before B’Elanna could process anything else.


	19. Time Enough

Despite having a somewhat unflappable reputation, Captain Kathryn Janeway had found today more than demanding. 

A rather sedate morning was followed by the afternoon from hell, when a temporal eddy suddenly opened on Voyager’s port side, causing substantial damage to deck fifteen.

Her first thought on arriving in sickbay was that Tom Paris was dead. He was pallid, the only colour around him seemed to be the unending flow of blood from his left leg.

The second thought as she leapt across sickbay and started assisting the EMH, was what she would tell B’Elanna? How could she ever break that news?

She had almost bitten Tuvok’s head off as he calmly intoned that there had been no trace of Lieutenant Torres. She shivered as the computer confirmed with a cold “Lieutenant Torres, is not on board.” Even the EMH paused with horror, unable to comprehend such a loss.

Over the next four hours Tuvok had security comb every inch of deck fifteen. The bulkheads were intact. The Jeffries tubes sealed. Harry had reconfigured the ship’s sensors more times in those hours than he had in the previous month. She wasn’t on board. She hadn’t been transported off. She was quite simply gone.

Mercifully, Tom was unconscious. He had of course, refused to die despite the odds. The Doctor had agreed that given his fragile condition, the shock would be too great a risk for now. He kept Tom sedated, buying the Captain a reprieve from breaking the appalling news. It seemed unfair to add a broken heart to two badly broken legs.

Kathryn wondered how long she would have to live with the feeling her own heart was in her throat. The loss of any crew member was devastating but this…

Chakotay had just entered Sickbay to check in when the Cochrane appeared without warning, adrift off Voyagers port side. 

“It’s one of ours Ma’am.” Harry said incredulously. “It’s the Cochrane.”

She’d looked at Chakotay with confusion as she spoke. “Harry, are there life signs?”

“Life support’s off, but I’m getting at least one lifesign, no two- Klingon.” His voice was unsure as he rambled through his words.

Harry had started the transporter before the Captain gave the order. She hadn’t quite anticipated the rush of emotion as B’Elanna Torres safely materialised unconscious onto the sickbay floor.

Finally, after around ten minutes of diagnostics, scans, medication and minor treatment, the Doctor declared that B’Elanna and the baby were relatively unscathed. B’Elanna had nothing worse than a broken wrist. Her unconscious state was seemingly exhaustion. 

The look of relief on Chakotay’s face had mirrored the captains own. She asked the Doctor to wake Tom.

******

There were gentle murmurs, B’Elanna heard voices but couldn’t distinguish between them at first. As she came around, the first voice she could pick out was Tom’s.

“She’s OK?” He sounded worse for wear, his voice breathless with effort.

“She’s alright Tom.” The Captain responded softly, her voice warm with affection and concern.

Hearing Tom’s voice made B’Elanna push past the urge to sleep. She wanted to see him, with a need that had never been within her before. 

A hand touched her arm tenderly as her eyes flickered. “B’Elanna? B’Elanna?” The EMH spoke her name softly as she came to. She was greeted by the Hologram’s face offering a kind smile. 

“Oh-,” She moaned wondering why for a moment she was on her side and not her back. Her thoughts suddenly ran to the baby she was carrying- “Is she?”

As if to make a point, the baby kicked as if on cue. B’Elanna placed her hand on her belly, doubly feeling her daughter demonstrating signs of life.

“The baby appears to be fine, as do you.” The Doctor intoned softly. “But I want to keep you both under observation for a few more hours to be sure.”

She should have felt more relief, but at this point exhaustion was fighting its way back to the top.

“Tom?” She asked quietly.

“Over here.” She heard his voice call out from the other side of sickbay.

Reaching over, the Doctor helped her prop herself up on her elbow- Tom was laid out on a biobed with Captain Janeway stood next to him. Tom’s response was to try to sit up and confirm fully that his wife was in one piece. His face twisted in pain as he instantly regretted this effort.

“Mr Paris, stay where you are.” The Doctor snapped as he left B’Elanna’s side and crossed the room to Tom.

“Make that Captain’s and Doctor’s orders, Tom.” Janeway added as she reached across and pushed Tom back flat on the bed by his shoulder.

“Yes Ma’am.” He acknowledged, as he grimaced and lay back, sounding more like an agreement than an acceptance of a command. The Doctor proceeded to scan him with a Tricorder. 

Even though things were immeasurably improved, B’Elanna hated seeing him in that much pain. “You OK?” she asked, wanting to hear it from him.

“Well-.“ Tom started as he closed his eyes. “You kept threatening to break my legs-“ he gave a weak smile, which she returned.

“He’ll be fine.” The Doctor chipped in as he snapped the tricorder shut. “He will need to be off his feet until tomorrow, I doubt his femoral artery will appreciate being stood on until then.” The EMH reached for a hypospray and pressed it to Tom’s neck. “For now he should concentrate on lying still until his blood pressure normalises.”

The Captain and Doctor hesitated a moment, Tom’s eyes closed again and his breathing changed. With a light touch on the shoulder the Captain left the Doctor to deal with Tom and moved over to B’Elanna.

Lying back down, B’Elanna found she was glad to have the company of the Captain.

Janeway laid a cautious hand on her engineers arm. “You gave us quite a scare. Where did you go?”

B’Elanna looked to the Captain, trying to summon an appropriate response.

She knew she had moved through time, but the details were fading like any dream minutes after waking. Flashes of events stayed with her but the context was quickly being lost to her. Finally she settled on, “I don’t think I’m supposed to say.”

“No.” The Captain agreed with a wry smile. “I thought that might be the case, considering we found you in a shuttle that was destroyed four years ago.”

On other days B’Elanna would have considered how the temporal mechanics of the shuttle existing twice worked. But today would not be that day.

“Well- you wanted a way to produce shuttles.” B’Elanna teased quietly.

Janeway’s lips curled into a grin. She wasn’t particularly used to jokes from her chief engineer, but welcomed the lightness of the moment. “Your methodology is impressive. But I don’t think I can condone it. ”

The captain’s fingers curled around B’Elanna’s arm and gripped her a little harder.

She’d thought this day was going to end horribly, and if for a moment she’d thought B’Elanna had the strength or disposition she’d have embraced her. Instead, Janeway glanced over to Tom, who seemed to have drifted back off before leaning closer to B’Elanna and whispering.

“Tom doesn’t know. You didn’t reappear until almost four hours after the explosion- I asked the Doctor to keep him unconscious until we had something to tell him.” 

Four hours, B’Elanna thought to herself as she nodded and closed her eyes. No wonder she was exhausted. They had to be the busiest four hours of her life. 


	20. 3am Tomorrow

B'Elanna knew Tom had been stood there for a while as she worked from the sofa in their quarters.

Given the state of his leg he was less than stealthy, but he also had to contend with her keen Klingon senses. She could always tell when she was being watched.

She’d left him in bed, hoping he’d sleep through. Since being discharged from sickbay, her brain was buzzing with a long list of tasks and thoughts, a dozen or so she could do from their sofa. That and the summersaults the baby was performing.

She glanced up from the pad with a smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be off your feet?”

Slowly, he approached. His leg could bear weight but the stiff movement and slight limp was difficult to watch. “I woke up, wanting to know where my wife was.” Gingerly, Tom lowered himself to sit beside her.

“Needed to check up on a few things.” B’Elanna responded. She put the pad down as she shifted towards Tom and grabbed his hand. “Besides, your daughter seems to stay still as well as you do.” She placed his hand on her belly to let him feel the internal acrobatics their baby was undertaking.

“Ooo.” Tom smiled and placed his other hand on his wife’s increasingly prominent bump. “She is lively.”

B’Elanna reached for her pad again. “Well, I can’t say I blame her. Given the day she’s had.” She looked up again and found Tom was looking at her. It was a wistful, far away look. Those weren’t common from him. “What?”

“I just-.“ He took one of his hands from her belly and reached for her face. “I don’t know what I’d be without you.”

“Well, you’re stuck with me.” B’Elanna smiled before deciding any further attempts at work would be fruitless. She cast the pad to one side again and nodded back towards the bedroom. “Come on. Maybe she’ll settle.”

Wordlessly, they awkwardly pulled themselves up, both chuckling at how hard it was to move before making their way back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks.
> 
> Unless you really REALLY want the coda. I cut it cos it wasn't working.


End file.
